:: Article

Body For Sale

So this is me.

First off I’m female, 26 years old, and in pretty good shape. I have brown eyes and a few freckles here and there (I know). But I have a big chest (36C — I’ve been somewhere between a C and a D the past few years, and yes I have pictures). I’m blond, so you’ll be able to dye my hair whatever color you want pretty easy.

I had some plastic surgery on my neck and chin, which still looks as good as the day I got it.

I had my lip pierced for a while, so there’s a tiny scar where I took it out, but even my boyfriend didn’t notice till I mentioned it. You can use makeup.

I was vegetarian for 10 years, so that probably helped. I used to run and lift weights too, but there’s been less time for that lately. I’ve never been pregnant.

I’m of average build, but have a tendency to gain a little in my hips, thighs, and you guessed it — butt. There’s no way I could ever really get fat — you’ll be able to eat pretty much what you want and I’ll still look good. With some work you could get me looking HOT.

The only reason I’m selling me is to pay for college. I’m getting to be too much of an expense. I can still take classes online this way, so it shouldn’t be so bad. Maybe one day I could even get a replacement.

I have a scar on my left knee from when I felt off my bike as a kid, it kinda looks like an arrow.

$8,000 or best offer.

Colette Phair constructs dark fiction from outer space. An aspiring computational linguist with a soft spot for violence, her interests include taking religion too literally, letting things go too long, technological replacements for everything, and constant life-changing epiphanies. Her ego was damaged in a Buddhist incident and she’s had to recover by making this bio. She once threw up on a volcano north of the Arctic Circle. She has never been drunk. Colette was born in the future and lives in California. Her book Nightmare in Silicon, winner of the Chiasmus Press First Book Competition, is about a woman who gets turned into a robot and will be out from Chiasmus in Fall 2007. Her site is here.

“If Kathy Acker had lived long enough to have access to an iPod, Red Bull and Second Life, she might have come to sound like Colette Phair.”
Paul Di Filipo

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Saturday, January 27th, 2007.