:: Article

First Love

New fiction and art by Roman Muradov.


I got my first venereal disease from my first girlfriend. She got it from her third boyfriend, whom she was dating concurrently with her second boyfriend (me). Later she confessed that she’d been dating him before she started dating me, which chronologically downgraded me to her third boyfriend—the one who gave her the venereal disease—which she in turn gave to her second boyfriend, a rather small man, whose modest height allowed him to punch me in the groin without the inconvenience of crouching or digging a ditch.





Roman Muradov is a writer and award-winning illustrator whose clients include The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Paris Review, and The Wall Street Journal.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Monday, August 29th, 2016.