:: Article

i did something weird and then wrote a poem about it

By Zachary German.

i got a new email account on hotmail

i put two personal ads on philadelphia craigslist

they were both under the “casual encounters” section

the first one was male for male

the first one’s title was “horny 22 year old seeks man 18-25 – m4m – 22”

in the first one i said “i’m 22 and bored / must be in south philly east of broad, and able to host / a picture gets mine”

the second one was male for female

the second one’s title was “22 year old man seeks woman 18-30 – m4w – 22”

in the second one i said “i’m 22, horny and bored / need to be able to host, and be located in south philly, pref. east of broad / a picture gets mine”

then i took a shower and put on different clothes and looked at myself in the mirror

then i read an essay in the new issue of bookforum about how it’s been fifty years since on the road was first published

then i thought about calling my friend lindsay and seeing if she wanted to watch a movie or something

then i looked at the first forty or so pages of the new issue of artforum and didn’t read anything

then i came upstairs and checked the new email account on hotmail and i had four unread emails

the first one was from hotmail welcoming me

the second one was from an email account on aol

it said “24 here in S. Philly. whatsup?”

the third one was from an email account on aol

it said “hey south philly here”

the fourth one was from an email address on yahoo

it said “her very attractive M 160 6ft sub vers bottom, very clean very discreete DD free. I can host location is south 15 st and wolf.Please no endless emails. not to many question quike in and out and go away.”

there was an attachment that was called as1.jpg

i clicked on it and firefox told me it could be a virus and i clicked okay

the picture loaded and it was an ass

i felt lonely


Zachary German is eighteen years old. He lives in South Philadelphia. He maintains two blogs, easter mountain sports and cunning music blog.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Thursday, October 4th, 2007.