:: Article

And They All Lived Happily Ever After

By Odarka Bilokon.
 

 

 

 

12 Oct

 

A diary is a documented confession of all your flaws, insecurities and irregularities.

 

Apart from anything else, a diary is needed so you don’t burden anyone with your presence.

 

I don’t want to feel like a burden. I want to feel that I’m being adored.

 

People don’t need to try too hard to grow sick of each other.

 

Shrinks should check out their patient’s social media. They’ll find all their mental disorders there, chronologically organised.

 

When your diary is found – best to assume you are found out. With online diaries you can be anonymous. I’ve become faceless.

 

People write their confessions so that just once they get to be read.

Everyone who’s hiding, to some extent wants to be found.

 

One of the dangers of a diary is that you may uncover not only your own secrets, but the secrets of others as well.

When there are two people who know – everyone knows. That’s when the skeletons fall out of the closet.

 

I will continue writing this story anyway. I don’t know what hidden things may fall from the closet.

 

 

13 Oct

 

I have a weakness: I like watching others from a safe distance.

 

I’m a loser and a stalker. I spy on people on social media.

 

Sometimes I think I am malicious. To be a stalker is to be a predator. But, we all act ruthless sometimes, don’t we?

 

I like following the lives of others. Especially if it is A’s life.

 

Habits, lifestyle or their absences are signs. They’re runes that expose the kind of person you are. I read runes well.

 

Maybe I exist only to watch and never to participate.

 

I’m like a butler. The one who never interferes but who is always nearby – a witness by profession.

 

 

15 Oct

 

Nevertheless, if you look closely, people reveal their lives for everyone to see all on their own. There’s no need to ask.

 

Them: “If I didn’t write about it or didn’t snap a pic of it what has happened? It’s best to assume nothing happened.”

 

Show your fabulous life. Raise your self-esteem at the expense of others. Is that what Darwin meant by “survival of the fittest”?

 

How would you feel, if your dreams started to happen for other people?

 

I believe that the grass *is* greener on the other side of the fence.

 

 

16 Oct

 

Just what do you think you know about these losers with a shiny “L” across their foreheads? I can tell you a lot about it.

 

Some are destined to live in tedium. To live a simple and boring life.

 

Some are programmed for success. I look at them and assume that they’ll succeed just at anything.

 

Everyone around me knows this freaking success formula and passes it on to each other, hiding it from me.

 

Today I saw A. In the middle of the street. He illuminates even the lights.

 

 

17 Oct

 

We are lucky that A is kind. Everyone gets equal pieces of his attention. We reach out our hands to receive our portions of his kindness.

 

Remember that if you are being treated well, you’re not the only one being treated that way.

 

We have been told “You shall not make for yourself an idol”. It brings no good, only misfortunes such as falling in love.

 

 

18 Oct

 

You must remember that attention and love are two essentially different things.

 

 

19 Oct

 

I catch myself staring at A’s photos for hours, reading comments from his friends or from girls that are madly in love with him.

 

There are always new figures appearing in his life. They come and go, and I keep watch over it all, the fuss of random people.

 

I know way too much about A. Maybe that’s the problem.

 

 

20 Oct

 

He doesn’t even suspect that I follow him so closely.

 

As if it all concerns me personally. All those stories, they bother me and make me anxious but somehow they also make my own life more entertaining.

 

Just imagine how bad everything is.

 

 

21 Oct

It will always be difficult to admit that you’re not appealing to someone.

 

While you are being ignored, you should either appear intentionally beautiful or deliberately ugly. It’s a form of passive aggression.

 

 

22 Oct

 

The details of someone else’s private life will frustrate you and make you ill. And you will suffer.

 

But what’s strange is that suffering is one of the best pleasures in life. This is not well understood so feels a little guilty.

 

I like to suffer. At least it feels like my dull life is still just about burning away.

 

 

24 Oct

 

I wish I hadn’t seen all those photos. Every girl with a spark in her eyes thinks she’s special because she leaned against A.

 

I can’t imagine how he has enough patience for them all.

 

I sit in front of a screen, contemplating the details of his life, studying what’s being said and putting it all into one story.

 

Maybe once upon a time I will also be worth something.

 

I know what must be done. I am patience. I am resilience. I’m going to see A’s performance.

 

 

25 Oct

 

I stand in the crowd. I am one pair of eyes among thousands, staring at A. He graces us all with his glance.

 

Before I would’ve clutched at these glances. I thought it meant something when they came to rest on me.

 

Ultimately, to him we’re only a crowd covered in the darkness of the concert hall.

 

Girls near the stage scream their love to A. He only nods. His quiet, captivating love falls upon our heads.

 

It’s’ hard to believe but I managed to make the first step. I actually did it!

 

I waited for the crowd to release him. Till all those girls got their autographs, their photos and their pieces of his polite smile.

 

The moment he wasn’t surrounded by anyone, I approached him.

 

We talked! Now he knows my name and what I do in life. He said we should see each other again.

 

Is it really happening? Probably I’m just dreaming.

 

I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up. That tiny bit of attention I’ve received – means nothing.

 

 

27 Oct

 

I just got a call from A and he asked me out.

 

I’ll think that I’m still asleep and dreaming.

 

We’re going to see each other today. It’s still so hard to believe.

 

 

31 Oct

 

He said that we have so much in common. As if we grew up together. He was wondering if we had met before.

 

He likes spending time with me. He said so. That he’d be happy if I came to see him again.

 

Yesterday he read me the lyrics of his new song. About a girl that reminds him of himself. Can you guess the girl?

 

Everything has worked out just perfectly.

 

It would have been nice to write “And they lived happily ever after…” but my fairy-tale ends differently.

 

 

1 Nov

 

Everything went as I planned it. Why did I do it? To prove this: any insecure loser can get what they want.

 

We all love fairy-tales of how princesses get their princes and inspiring stories of poor schmucks with millions.

 

I realized my dream, I brought the fairy-tale to life and turned it inside-out.

 

 

2 Nov

 

In real life, princesses turn out to be insecure stalkers, and princes – self-loving boys.

 

Kings lose their titles, and queens get disappointed. Ex-losers reach the top.

 

Because all doors are open to those who have nothing to lose. Choose any door.

 

I don’t have anything special. And that’s a good base from which to make yourself into anyone else.

 

Why did I choose A specifically? He seemed to embody confidence and success. The exact opposite of me.

 

This had to be a total victory – to be loved by one who’s loved by all. I chose the highest peak and I conquered it.

 

Of course, I did like A. But not to the point of abandoning everything half-way.

 

I will go ahead and say: in reality A is just like everyone at the top. A pathetic loser who’s hiding behind a mask of confidence.

 

Girls, your idols – they are people, just like you, made out of flaws, insecurities and irregularities.

 

When you don’t know a person, you have so many expectations of them.

 

Getting closer to a person ruins everything.

 

The green grass on the other side of the fence turns to be a green painted canvas.

 

You know, all that fuss around A. Just funny.

 

Those girls are like little dogs – ready to tear each other’s throats, just to be closer to A’s approval.

 

They’re trying to please him and because of that he is spoiled.

 

But what is there to talk about. They are fixated on someone fictional.

 

People like A can be flattered with simple tricks. I’ve used them many times so I knew what to do.

 

Really they are simple things. For example, express your interest in that person.

 

Ask questions. Seek advice. Accept opinions.

 

Seem kind. Smile. Pretend you’re in a good mood.

 

Let this other person know you’re speaking to his significance. Provoke self-respect.

 

I put it all on having things in common with A – I had to have the same dreams and habits. I was not mistaken.

 

Everyone loves their reflection. It is hard to pass by without looking at mirrored surfaces.

 

I made myself a reflection of A. I became everything he loved.

 

In order to do this you have to renounce your Ego.

 

You will do anything to reach the goal. Stop being yourself. Become better. I think A fell for that.

 

Well, the experiment was a success and now it’s over. The relationship I initiated is ended. I won’t be seeing A anymore.

 

Emotions are redundant. Attachment is only a side effect. I got what I wanted.

 

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Odarka Bilokon is a short story writer, poet, and translator based in Kyiv, Ukraine. Currently, she is working on her first novel.

And They All Lived Happily Ever After is the first Twitter story (written for the original 140 character tweet limit) published in the Ukrainian language. The version published here is translated into English by Bilokon.

 

ABOUT THE ARTWORK
The image is the Knight of Cups from the fifteenth century Visconti Tarot Deck sourced via Wikimedia from the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library at Yale University.

 

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Tuesday, November 28th, 2017.