:: Article

Love & Bottle

By Alan McCormick & Jonny Voss.

Pass the bottle old girl.

Mine, all mine.

Come on, give us a slug, woman, I’m spitting up fur balls.

I was here first.

Share and share alike, why don’t ya?

No, it’s all mine, loser.

Who’s you calling loser?

You, you fuck beard.

What if I say please?

You’d be a fucking loser who says please.

Give me the effing bottle or I’ll thrash you with me shoe!

That’s more like it.

Yea? Well give it here then.

You only needed to shout and threaten a little. Here you are.

I don’t like to, babe . . . oh God, it’s lovely. You have some too.

Don’t mind if I do.

Bloody lovely it is, girl.

You ain’t wrong, love, it’s so bloody lovely I could cry.

I’ve got a tear in my eye as it happens.

Sentimental old fart

Give us a kiss then.

All right but hold me too, lips not tits, and don’t scratch with your whiskers.

Like this?

Yea . . . oh yea, like this.

Alan McCormick’s stories and illustrated writing with Jonny Voss have appeared widely in print and on on the net at 3:AM, Dead Drunk Dublin and Nthposition. Find more of Alan and Jonny’s work on their site Scumsters. Dogsbodies & Scumsters, a collection of Alan’s fiction and Jonny’s illustrations is out now on Roast Books.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Thursday, February 14th, 2013.