:: Article

Protocol for the Treatment of Primary Residents Detained by The Local Group Surveyors

By Louise Phillips.

Interpreter Duties

The interpreter serves as the link between the team and the primary resident detainee. The interpreter must participate in all targeting sessions and after-action assessments. It is helpful, not vital, for the interpreter to establish a rapport with the primary resident. Interpreters are instructed to avoid answering questions and to limit communication with the detainee. Most detainees find our method of communication extremely distressing. Interpreters are advised to rely on the following phrases:

We are not going to hurt you.
Please try to relax.
I can see that you’re very upset. This will all be over soon.

Characteristics and Behavior of Primary Residents in Detention

Overall, there are no marked differences in the reactions, expectations, and requirements of primary residents in detention. Stupefied fear is the hallmark of primary resident behaviour in custody. Very few armed primary residents are able to discharge their weapons. Once the primary resident has been detained, hysteria precedes mute terror. One or a combination of sobbing, pleading, and voiding often follows.

Many primary residents already have information about The Local Group Surveyors. In recent decades there has been a slight increase in the number of primary residents who overcome their initial terror and appear to be enjoying their detention. They express satisfaction that their belief in the existence of The Local Group Surveyors has been justified and a desire to learn from team members. Some will tell the interpreter they had hoped to be taken into custody, while others assert they are responsible for summoning team members. They frequently plead with the team not to end their detention. Such primary residents must be identified as Enthusiastic Detainees on their devices. Any members of a team targeting Enthusiastic Detainees for repeat detentions will be subject to courts-martial.

Aspects of Detention

Mistreatment of primary residents is illegal. It is illegal to harm or kill a primary resident. The Treaty of Palm Springs of 1954 makes the standard clear:

No primary residents in the custody or under the physical control of The Local Group Surveyors shall be subject to degrading treatment, physical harm, or loss of life.

Primary residents who suffer health emergencies during an event must be resuscitated.

It is forbidden to detain more than two members of the same household at the same time. Primary residents may be subject to no more than two detentions in every year of their lifespan.

All team members must carefully assess their targets and demonstrate a concern for their well-being during the action. Primary residents must receive humane treatment until their release. Treat them with respect. They are sentient beings, capable of conceiving of the higher emotions.

An event has an average duration of five hours. Primary residents exhibit the most fear during confiscation, initial communication with the interpreter, clothing removal, and sample retrieval.

Keep gestures and movements calm and slow.

Point tools towards the ground and raise hands slowly. Show the detainee the device you are about to use.

At all costs try to avoid making eye contact with the detainee. They find this terrifying.

Release of Detainees

Prior to release, all primary residents must have their devices updated. Enthusiastic Detainees must be identified as such.

Primary residents must be released within thirty feet of the location where they were taken into custody. They must be released dressed in the clothes they were wearing during the confiscation, with all of the items they were holding intact.

Teams who scorch the earth during confiscation or release must make note of it in their general occurrence report. They must also file separate memorandums. The decision to end or continue detainee surveillance is made at the after-action assessment.


Louise Phillips lives in Toronto, Canada. Her work has appeared in Dream Catcher, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Copperfield Review, The Delinquent, The Dirty Napkin and Litro.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Thursday, October 28th, 2010.