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Saturday Night at the Movies

By Alan Kelly.

With a career spanning over thirty years as the reigning Queen of Halloween, two feature films and a reality show under her belt and buckets of personality and T & A (Talent and Ability boys, concentrate) it’s no wonder Elvira is legendary. She was the first nationally syndicated horror host with her show Movie Macabre, allowed twirl tassels on a national network (with children watching) and broadcast in 3-D in all her Gothic glory in America.

Getting the chance to sit down with the First Lady of Nightmares doesn’t happen everyday so when the Mistress of the Dark herself agreed, it was so much better than the surge of a zillion volts of electricity coursing through me. She is the hottest, funniest and super sexiest horror icon in the universe. The following is my snappy Q&A – I’m still doing cartwheels on hot coals. So forgive any barely alive typos in this piece. So right here the hostess with the mostess tells me her darkest secret, why one film had her contemplating walking off a plane and the fate of a certain punkish poodle…

Hello Elvira. What is the Mistress of the Dark up to right now?
Well, right about now the Mistress is typing away like a fiend on the tips of her shiny black nails answering these questions. Her evil nemesis, Cassandra Peterson has been slaving away supporting “the twins” by working in the new cult horror film, All About Evil. She plays the mousey mom of actor Thomas Dekker (Nightmare on Elm Street). It’s the brainchild of my pal, Peaches Christ.

Tell me one of your deepest darkest secrets.
Underneath my clothes, I’m naked.

You’ve already starred in Elvira: Mistress of the Dark and Elvira’s Haunted Hills. Are you planning another feature anytime soon?
Not at the moment… but, I am working on a verrrrrry special project for the small screen which will be coming your way this Fall. It’s all a very deep dark secret (not as secret as the naked thing but almost as exciting). I’ll be unveiling more details soon.

What is the worst B-movie you’ve ever sat through and why?
Plan 9 from Outer Space, fer sure! (The producer should’a stuck to Plan 1 and made a Western.) Why’s I sit through it? Because I watched it on an airplane. Otherwise I would have definitely walked out. Otherwise I would have definitely walked out.

Did you ever imagine you’d become the hottest, wittiest, most iconic horror hostess the world has ever seen, when you first began working for local TV in L.A.?
Absolutely.

What ever happened to that punk poodle Gunk?
It’s Gonk (gunk was the stuff we used on is mohawk to get it to stand up) and unfortunately he has gone to doggie Heaven — or possibly doggie Hell… He was a pretty nasty little critter! If he was still alive he would be about 38 years old in people years.

I have Movie Macabre on DVD and watch them at least once a year — apart from the Next Elvira — would you return to horror hosting?
Does a chicken have a pecker?!? Absolutely! My ultimate dream is to return to my roots — horror hosting.

Say something I can put on a T-shirt. Go on…
The dark is afraid of me.

Have you stopped doing what I asked to give your undivided attention to my questions Elvira?
No, of course not.

Thanks so much for agreeing to this… It’s like all my Halloweens have come at once…
Any time, darling… unpleasant dreams.

First posted: Saturday, July 31st, 2010.

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