:: Article

Six Poems

By Bryndís Björgvinsdóttir.

New Place – Same Difference

The Norwegian Bible Society
has decided to eliminate the word “hell”
from the new Norwegian bible.

Professor Mogens Muller
from the Department of Theology
at the University of Oslo
has managed to prove that in the original Bible
the word “hell” – or “gehenna”
never referred to an underground dwelling:

“Hell” he said, “is the name
of a prehistoric rubbish heap south of Jerusalem,
currently the location of Palestine.”

 

A Toddler‘s Online Journal

Daddy‘s come home from the rig!!!!
I love him!!!
And he‘s going to be playing with me lots
and taking good care of me!!!! ☺
Hugs, Jasmine Poppy, 2 year old princess!!! ☺

10.11.2009 | 00:48 Comments (3)

Tell your mum I can‘t wait to
go to Ibiza with her tomorrow
and get absolutely hammered!
Say hi to your dad!
Mum‘s friend Stacy

U ashore already???
No way!
Cud of let me no!
Pik up da phone!!!!
Gazza

Adam will be staying in this weekend
with Jasmine.
And Jess, you be careful down there.
Love from Finlay Street,
Nana and granddad

 

English Today
with Melvyn Bragg

(or: “English Today / on Radio 4″ – if Melvyn would never ever write something like following):

The other day I heard a gentleman
at a movie theatre
say to the clerks:
“A poke and some cockporn, please!”
This is incorrect.
One should say:
“A coke and some popcorn, please!”
I repeat:
“The moviegoer special, please.”

 

what is free trade?

The world is a bastard
an offspring of east and west

A gang of racists
lives naked by the sea side,
subsisting on Icelandic
Gunnars mayonnaise
María
biscuits and Maltöl.

It runs away from the waves
because they come from abroad.

-Meanwhile
I sit, suntanned and happy
in an international café
drinking two lattés.
Oh fair-trade coffee bean,
I think,
which traveleth all the way
from brown Guatemalians
to my pink lips!
… but what is fair-trade?

Well, if the world practiced
approximation
it would the absolutely instantly
round up the human race
– on account of its misappropriation
of wealth and power –
to the nearest black hole
transforming everything
into one black
compressed
coffee bean.

That would be fair-trade.

 

Science

In mathematics, the use of letters is called algebra.
Algebra is about convincing a letter
that it’s a number.
Like this:
Scientist: A = 5
A: “WTF?!”
Scientist: “You’re five.”
A: “I don’t want to. I want to keep on being a letter! :(
Scientist: “Obey! You are five! I have proof! I’m a scientist! I know you are five! It’s plain as day!!”
A: “No! No! No!”
Scientist: “BE FIVE OR I’LL KILL YOU!”
A: “= 5”
            A = 5

 

the foreign news

China doesn’t exist.
The Google corporation
says mistakes
were made during the development of Google Maps, and
that the area believed to contain
the so-called “China,” doesn’t,
in fact,
contain much of anything at all.
The foreign minister of Iceland has
told his secretary to see to it that Iceland’s
request that the
a) Chinese do not jump all at the same time,
b) use toilet paper, or
c) eat meat,
is retracted.

Translations: Steingrímur Teague

 

bryndis3
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Bryndís Björgvinsdóttir is an Icelandic poet and ethnologist. Her first collection of poetry Ég hata alla! (I hate everybody!) was published in 2009. She will appearing in collaboration with the poet Scott Thurston at the forthcoming 3:AM Maintenant reading “Nýr Skáldskapur – Icelandic/British poetry” at the Rich Mix Centre, London.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Sunday, November 21st, 2010.