By Alan McCormick & Jonny Voss.
Police! Camera! Action!
Another disaster programme done and dusted; and the anchor man made of slime and Milk Tray slips away to relax in the park. Clothes off, neck hair swept back, his metamorphosis into a creeping creeper creep happens within his own moving fog of smug. His form glides as much as it hunches, his eye is cow like, his head that of an antelope. When he arrives in the park proper he sets about worrying the deer by whispering crime statistics and the phrase ‘buckled Austin Princess’ into their hot felt like ears. ‘Bastards’ is a word he savours for unsettling the stags, their bony coat stands tensing as if they might rut and cut at any moment. But as quick as he was there, he’s gone again. Back to the studios and into his early evening television suit, a Chaplin dung stain mopped off his top lip by his adoring assistant, his tiny hooves clasping the calf insoles of his smart heeled shoes.
Smile! Smarm! Action!
First published in 3:AM Magazine: Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011.