3:AM Magazine

By Travis Jeppesen.

I remember all of the words to our teen suicide pact. I fucking shake when I hear them read over again cos it’s the only bible I ever knew. Marc goes down on Arnold one more time. Arnold and Matthew groan in pain. Marc’s cock is so huge. Then we switched and I fucked Arnold while Matt fucked Adam. I put some grease all over his Adam’s Apple and sat on it. His entire neck disappeared into my ass. I’m female.

Brody jacks his big fat meatbone while Adam videotapes. Adam gets a hard-on, which is fellated by Samuel. Samuel is getting fucked by Lukas. Matthew and Peter fuck in the corner. Arnold sits on Zach’s erect member. The bondage earthworm burns some TP. Brody smokes a cigarette as he strokes Arnold’s cock. This is the end of days. Fabricated lilacs kicking back. Adam likes to touch the magic wand while he’s asleep. Robert is on the sidewalk. He groans in his lapse of memory as he make poopoo on his geriatricistic fucktard.

Peter’s dick is bigger than a car. The whore farts on the face of god. Then she turns around and rides god reverse cowgirl style. Don’t let any gods younger than me fuck me. She whispers to the other boys in the gangbang. She wants to be told a story while she’s being violated.

A dog fucks a whore on live webcam. The teenagers have all been reduced to mere status symbols. Eat my legendary granola on time tonight. Taylor has his face in the dogbowl as the whore fucks him with a strap-on from behind, marketing all viral all the while.

Lukas holds a lit match to Adam’s urethra as Zach ducttapes his asshole shut. The priest shaves off all his asshair and shoves a fire hose up his daughter’s snatch, then blasts her wide open. Lukas jacks off apelike on Adam’s face. The violated rugby player shoots his own mother in the mouth with a beebee gun and rapes her ass. A midget comes out of the alleyway with a sword and stabs the whore in the face while she’s sucking Adam. Lukas’s humungous balls tremble as Zach hungrily tosses his salad, then adds a white creamy dressing to it.

Sallie Mae gets pounded doggy style by Peter, while Arnold videotapes with a camcorder from a previous decade. Adam’s mother in the other other america is seduced by a jackhammer. The pope shits on Lukas’s hairstyle, the soviet nun has to clean it off. Frying Pan Jesus comes in and smacks Zach’s bulbous buttcheeks real real hard, he swats him away and continues burrowing his way into the midget’s membrane.

A geography of gyrations gets masturbated upon, the whore’s trophy. Taylor became the latest gangbang phenomenon overnight when he was ejected from the bukkake raid. Seventeen owls flew into Peter’s new gender, his sex change fell right off into his neighbor’s soup. Tony did Arnold the way one man should always do another, if he wants to prove that his hole still contains something.

Sam sprayed his jizz all over the flowery wallpaper, Adam screamed hello. Jack sat on Adam’s face and a postcard fell out of his vagina. Peter moans as she shoves the pope’s dildo up his ass. As he’s doing that, Susan comes and shaves around the hole. Jake wears a leather jockstrap and is joyful. Lizard comes and licks the filth off his right heel.

Elizabeth wears a blindfold and is tied to a chair. She wants all the men with vowels in their first names to come take advantage of her nasal passage with their balkan meat swords. Meanwhile, Arnold masturbates with a leather bra beneath his sac. Arnold sucks Adam’s dick while fucking Zach, who is bent over the washing machine reading a paperback novel. No one wears a necklace.

Arnold then inserts his male member into Zach’s eager hungry sugarmouth. Arnold sits in a chair and Zach continues to ride like the lonesome cowboy he never was. Arnold gets bored and puts on someone else’s glasses. Now he can’t see. But that’s okay. He never wanted to know anyone’s last name to begin with.

Adam cuts a hole in the side of Susan’s head and fucks it oh so good. He shoots his purple neon sperm into her and it leaks radioactivity out of her eyeballs. Susan moans with a satisfaction she has never felt before; a freestyle lobotomy was her ultimate fantasy, and now it is coming so true, just as Arnold is cumming in Amanda’s face. Lukas can’t get enough of Sean’s blue collar cock. He wants to dress up in a fur coat and get his hepatitis C ass fisted by a sympathetic pony.

Sam removes his underwear and sticks it up Zach’s ego. Taylor is strung up on the magazine rack, wailing, as the whore removes potatoes from her pussy and pummels him in the face from across the room. He wants to get up and leave, but then a horse comes and fucks him. An illiterate moron with a broken cock comes over to say hello. An arabic teenager shits on the bible and makes Matthew eat it all up. Before he gets a chance to finish, Susan comes and dips her lollypop in it, then shoves it up the horse’s vag.

A christian deepthroater named Samantha comes and tapdances on Lukas’s face. A ferret runs into her twat and screams. A satanic jailbird named Tom wears a cockring. He chokes on a lollypop while Samantha sucks him dry.

Peter cuts Arnold’s balls off and feeds them to Jesus H. Christ, a muslim convert. Arnold rips Tom wide open and wears a cowboy hat to prove it. Lukas fucks so bad Samantha has to laugh at him while he tries to do it. A fat gay person comes and sings.

Camera clicks away as Matthew chokes down on someone else’s juices. The whore’s nostrils are wide open. A homeless man wanders in and decides to join in on the fun; he violates Fannie Mae in the crudest way possible, then serenades her with a one hit wonder.

Peter chokes on Zach’s huge boner, pukes beer and mint chocolate chip ice cream up all over it, Adam comes and licks it off.

Fat whore rides a dildo moaning, squeals all over herself and dies. Old man bitchslaps his leatherbound wife, rides the underage boner of Taylor, who is now in a wheelchair. Freddie Mac speaks a foreign language while he barebacks Zach. Zach’s hole is so tender, he almost said no.

No is a word the dirty whore just doesn’t understand. She doesn’t have to; she never had a name. She takes three cocks at once in her pus-filled crevice, smoking a cigarette all the while like she’s taking her Monday morning dump.

Taylor shits on his sister’s grandma, illegitimate by a year. Zach gets married to his cousin in a caravan gypsy ceremony that few others are willing to attend clothed. Lukas takes his pants down and whips Peter in the face with his hot and ready pistol stick. The mexican transvestite’s cock is ready to spew smoke.

Fat fuck parrot blows over and inhales the wrong system. The teenage parasite chokes on someone’s eyeball. Pretty soon it will all be over, Zach tells Taylor, fucking. I can’t wait till we get to mutilate each other again, Lukas tells Adam. The suiciders are so fierce, I think someone just came.

Freddie Mac and Robert come and fill each of Adam’s eyesockets with their meat thermometers. Adam pukes all over the snatch of the soviet nun, who shouts out so loud a stalin rainbow appears. A chinese nigger named Satan comes out of the whore’s snatch. The wallpaper’s drab truth won’t allow anyone to sing through the microphone.

An angel’s livelihood is yellow and green. Sallie Mae sticks a cucumber up Fannie Mae’s jugular gina. Don’t believe me when I tell you how much I’m feeling this right now. A gay knows how to sing, he steps into the TV and the artist comes and sodomizes him right away. His hips move up and down the dildonic throng until a wave of circulatory benevolence shoots through his thighs and reaches Jupiter’s outer moon. A satanic birdfeeder is there too.

Hung bicycle rider gets his dick sucked on the moon. You’re so good, I wanna give it to you much softer. Old person shits on a twelve-year-old girl; she has all the symptoms to become the next president.

Ching chong shitblockers on the sidewalk. I keep conjuring the zeroness of it all. Audiodative prison matrix is already present. He didn’t want to cockblock my antipathy, so he wrote to the senator’s daughter instead. She came and whizzed on his wang. She was normally a chocolate fellator, but she could make an exception as far as the denouement went. Jack rolled over and asked Lukas for a cigarette. Can’t you see I’m fucking a rhinoceros at this moment. And I thought it was merely a sour dildo brigade.

Stalin’s in the soviet nun’s cunt. Flowers grew out of her armpit. She didn’t know what else to say. And so she had to have an abortion. The abortion’s name was jesus. Now there are too many of them in this novel.

As soon as I put my face beside you, I think you’ll have a pretty good idea of what I smell like. These aren’t words a nun would typically utter. Then again, she wasn’t your typical nun. People seem to get perverted when they’re old. I think it has to do with a lack of exercise. Here comes Simon, all ready to slam. He’s in the others. The others are in Sam.

Tony is dressed like an alien and fucks his trannie granddad. Sherbet falls out of her primordial butthole. Awareness in the 1990s machine. The solidarity vibrator is used to shave her mustache off. Kristin licks the gonorrhea off the supreme leader’s mustache; fat man with a white beard inserts screwdriver into hermaphroditic piss slit; Chopin’s Piano Concerto No.1 in E Minor plays.

Lukas secretes Simon’s fluids through his ear into the open willing mouth of Peter. Marc groans in destitute satisfaction as he xeroxes his decapitated member. Lucinda slices her clit off and sends it in the mail to the president of the united states. Tony cuts his left testicle off and sends it to the president select of the other america. Zach knows something. He is getting nailed.

Matthew barfs lemon yogurt on Susan’s gaping vag and a dog comes and licks it all out. Adam’s pet spider is sodomized by trannie strap-on warrior. Arnold pays to get re-birthed anally. The whore ties Lukas to the bed and licks him until her spit runs dry, then dryheaves her way through his urethral cavity. Fat faggot sings aretha while germs are flung at the toxic tornado. Teenage whore rides the gay donkey upside down.

Arnold farts Peter’s upside-down cock out of his greaseless manhole. Taylor shoves the entirety of mohammed up him. Sex with a razor? The dog gets tied to the bed, its four legs spread, Susan whips it while she rubs her clit with her ring finger. Peter’s father has an anal abortion in front of his mother. Midget chases after a turtle. Zach performs a presidential lapdance. Someone’s lifestyle.

Joyride father is so clean, you can lick between his toes. Kinky beerbottle fellators don’t have children. The nun eats satan’s presidential asshole.

Chinese farm laborer ejaculates all over the transmission. A fat person dies. I like it when people do nothing all over me. Men know things that are shifting all the time. A cat pukes up steam. Lukas is blind. Adam’s disappeared.

Two-for-one shitbarn matricide. A slave to public humiliation. Testicle hatdance farmer is quaking. The ex-president gets shat on.

Break my face open, lazy inhabitor. That was the whore’s instruction to Adam. Adam broke a chair over her pussy. A blonde person sat down on it.

Simon eats Ned’s dick cheese. Summertime gayness is so refined. I’m eating the medicinal warbler tonight. The pope’s asshole won’t remain a virgin.

Franny was stuck in a loveless marriage. She decided to go to the other america and do something about it – and right away. She immediately pounced on Adam’s erected sausage. Boy did she grind that sausage with an extreme movement of her pelvic area. Oh it was so fine, she just had to drink some wine. She put it in her ass and smelled just like a therapist!

Samuel fucked the hog’s shadow.

Slap me in the face before you fuck me, I wanna know I’m alive for you. Fat fuck parrot flies into the ass of god, brings back justice to the human race. A goddamn flea concert is held in honor of the lost maggot up Lukas’s buttcrack; please, bring us over another stick of butter to melt over the shiftless ones. Teenage terrorist with gasmask on pisses on Adam’s face. Jack eats Lukas’s foot and barebacks him at the same time. The drugged savior got his ass rimmed for christmas.

Twink with a boner on rollerskates eating strawberry cheesecake cupcake skated right into the whore’s vaginal opening. Jesus Christ just had a baby on my fears. Peter shaved his best friend’s tacit muslim balls with a rusty razor. He believed in his country.

God showed the whore what her mouth was made to be used for. The martian cum guzzler has no hair. The martian’s tits fell off into the blender. We had blue milk for dinner that evening.

I love it when you orient me towards your broken snatch. The disused bottle just found a new foundation. It’s called the anus of your mother’s corpse.

What’s new in the world is I just found out. Ninja twat comma does a backflip against the column. A spider’s entropy is morbid. No more fuckers to have a hot dog heart attack. He put Susanne’s head through the bass drum as he fucked the shit out of her unlubricated asshole. The whore picks wild flowers.

The midget screams as his butthole falls right out of his nose. Lukas knocks all of Taylor’s teeth out, one by one by three, with the heel of his sneaker. That way the teeth won’t get in his way when he’s cockgagging the poor lad. I got cockblocked by an alien. No one who has any hair is worth speaking to.

Lukas shaved all of his armpit hair off and put it in Samuel’s oatmeal. Samuel the fuckface fucked well. His eyes would never go to hell. He had seen things, but the pope had blessed them. He gave his eyeballs to Adam so that Adam could complete his suicide mission with vision fission. I have no oracular heartache. The tits of god squirt sour milk on to the faces of the orgymakers. Zach smoked ten cigarettes and went away to his mother.

Squirt vaseline from a tube into a baby’s open mouth, then shove your fist down into its innards and sing hallelujah. Ponytail squirrel crawls into open crevice of whore’s split knee, buries its ego in there. Cannibalize your grandmother’s cunt as a father’s day present. The wrath of syntheticism pulls you into the graveyard for a fight.

Now Arnold just pulled a hamstring muscle fucking Adam’s elastic bunghole as Adam’s fist goes down Lukas’s throat; with his other hand, he jacks off Zach’s trunklike member, as Peter and Taylor each fuck one of his eyesockets, while the whore and Matthew fuck each of his nostrils, and Marc gives him a blowjob.

Where is Murphy.

The soviet nun has so much hair. Something that’s dead that lives on each of us. It keeps growing and growing. She is really upset about it, and she goes to the barber and demands it all be cut off. The barber is in a wheelchair; he doesn’t know how to cut anyone’s hair. And so she has to take the scissors and do it herself. She cuts every last one of those crippled midget’s hairs right off, then flushes them down the toilet where they get to drown in all that delightful sewage. Matthew.

A jaguar’s anal leakage just set off the fire alarm. Three amoeba are involved in a pretty heavy daisychain operation. I wanna fill yr ego with salami and eat it. Lukas has bad breath. Tim’s cock just hit the floor. He was reduced to the status of a name.

Fannie Mae rubs her vagina across the floor. She’s wearing pig ears and nothing else. Adam comes up and pisses on her face. She squeals with delight as she slashes her left tit wide open with a boy scout knife.

A fat cunt named Jupiter came over to see me. She had a cat o’ nine tails sticking out of her hairstyle. She wanted to eat a muffin, and so I let her.

The cat gave the dog a blowjob in the pink-walled room. Next to them, Adam fucked Matthew. Arnold rode Taylor home like it was Saturday night at the rodeo. Zach ate a parrot. Peter burned the house down and yelled at himself for crying.

A woman named Wendy has no moles on her body. She is free.

Susan sucks my balls. I put the barrel of a gun in her mouth and she sucks that too.

Arnold fucked a french fry. Normal sensation wasn’t good enough for him; he had to have it all. In this sense, he was just like all the others. All the others were just like Arnold. Arnold had no business being there.

Lukas licked out Adam’s crevice. Adam’s empty eyesockets filled with jizz. Zach was in the women’s room, licking out all the toilet bowls he could gain access to. The sound of breaking glass. Matthew and Peter puked cum on Nathan’s salad. The hairs of a teenage armpit. Arnold makes some corn on the cob. It’s gonna taste so yum, I can’t wait to eat it! Matthew takes a polaroid of Adam’s rosebud.

After we had done our respective business on each other, we got into the bomb truck. Police stopped us. Police is gonna die.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Travis Jeppesen is the author of five books, including, most recently, Dicklung & Others, a collection of poetry. He lives in Berlin.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Monday, October 10th, 2011.