As his first collection, The Swank Bisexual Wine Bar of Modernity, is released into an apprehensive universe, short story fictionalist and former 3:AM editor HP Tinker takes time out to bathe in imaginary glory and interview himself amidst the relaxed, countrified surroundings of his frontal lobes…
Q: So HP, how are you today?
A: I’m very fine, as it happens, but please — don’t call me HP — I just don’t like it.
Q: What are you reading at the moment?
A: Confessions of a Kamikaze Cowboy by Dirk Benedict. Learn how to beat cancer by not eating cheese.
Q: Would you like to tell us a little about your new collection, The Swank Bisexual Wine Bar of Modernity?
A: Not really, but if I have to…
Q: Is the title a specific reference to anything in particular?
A: Of course. But the clues are all there. So find out for yourself.
Q: How would you describe the stories contained therein?
A: Small pieces of textual verse manfully shaped into delightful fictions. 16 of them.
Q: Are the stories thematically related in some way?
A: Yes. The stories have been subtly positioned with a high degree of flair and precision into a single flowing narrative sequence. Unfortunately nobody so far has noticed this.
Q: Are there many other HP Tinker stories out there?
A: Lord, yes. Enough left over to fill two collections. It’s quite an impressive oeuvre, all things considered.
Q: What are you writing right now?
A: A story about the fall of Bohemia. It happened. Bohemia fell. I saw it happen with my own eyes. Now I want other people to know about it.
Q: What does an up and coming writer need these days to achieve literary success?
A: Mostly talent. And a Simon Trewin voodoo doll.
Q: As a writer who seems to operate in the underground fringes, how would you characterise the mainstream literary world today?
A: “A conspiracy of eunuchs.”
Q: So what do you think is the problem with modern publishing, then?
A: Too many vulgarians.
Q: Are you planning to write a novel any day soon?
A: No. Not at all. I refuse to write a novel. I absolutely refuse!
A: It would be surrender. I prefer to beat on alone.
The Swank Bisexual Wine Bar of Modernity is out now. Read an extract here.
First posted: Saturday, April 14th, 2007.