two poems
By Jillian Clark.
this poem made my mom cry a little
1.
wake up
lay in bed for awhile
get up
shower
drink coffee
eat waffles, a bagel, toast, or cereal
drink coffee
get dressed
make sure i have everything i need so i won’t look stupid
go outside
wait for the bus
think about something
think, “look at me, i’m waiting for the bus, i’m horrible”
maybe write something down
wave to neighbor
get on bus
sit down before i fall down
put knees on the back of the seat in front of me
stay like this
look out the window
look at everyone else and realize that they only look at each other inside of the bus
wonder why i look outside instead of at everyone else
decide that it just means i’m smarter than they are
get off of the bus
feel embarrassed
think, “look at me, i’m getting off of a school bus”
walk quickly to photography
sit outside of the room and read for twenty minutes or so
avoid conversation with everyone
smile a little
get to work
process negatives, print pictures, or get on photoshop
talk to a few people
cut pictures out of magazines and hot glue them to the wall
burn arm on hot glue gun
walk to biology
think about the pig dissection coming up
hope that my teacher remembers that i am refusing to dissect a fetal pig
she won’t remember
take a lot of notes
write some things down in my notebook about neurotransmitters
go to civics
try not to fall asleep
talk to thomas and sam
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
think about food
supreme court cases
think about food
marbury vs. madison
think about food
think about food
plessy and brown v. board
think about food
get ready to reach into lunch box
quickly grab a granola bar
put it on top of my desk
close text book
get up after the bell rings
eat granola bar
think about what other people are thinking when they see me eating a granola bar every day
walk to theatre
avoid conversation
study lines
read “spring awakening”
give people hugs
think about food
go to lunch
sit on the sunny bench
sit alone on the sunny bench for two weeks until people start to come over
talk to people sometimes
but mostly avoid conversation
talk to people about clay aiken
walk to spanish
quietly sit in the hallway so the french teacher doesn’t yell at me
laugh at people
that part of the day is boring
i am skipping some parts
go to math class
pay attention until about the last ten minutes of math class
draw a fish on my friend’s wrist
get x by itself
look at the clock
drop my pencil a few times
think about all of the times in life i will need math
english
read or something
ride the bus home
think, “look at me, i’m getting on the bus”
get off of the bus
eat food
eat food
talk to people
think about the day
think about what i would do if i could stay home
2. if i could stay home
sleep until whenever
wake up
sleep more
wake up
think, “i should get out of bed”
sleep more
wake up and think, “i want some tea because i can do whatever i want today, today is my day”
walk into the kitchen
maybe skip a little to the kitchen
open the cupboard
select a tea
get a mug
let the hot water run for a minute
think about actually boiling water
decide to just run the water until it’s really hot
put the water in the mug
put the teabag in the mug
put a saucer over the mug
wait a few minutes
take a spoon
put the teabag on the spoon
wrap the string around the spoon so that the tea has flavor to capacity
add sugar
sip tea
maybe eat some fruit or a bagel
watch sci-fi
watch roswell
stay home for a week and watch roswell
think about aliens
think about people with secrets
lay in bed
never get dresssed
take a shower in the evening
walk around the neighborhood
laugh at buses passing
they might think i’m a badass
go back to bed and watch roswell
get up too quickly and feel dizzy
get up slowly and feel dizzy
try to determine whether i am physically sick or if i have made myself sick
punch something
kick something
pet a cat
capture all of the cats and put them in one room
capture all of the dogs and put them in one room
write down observations
listen to devendra banhart
listen to neutral milk hotel
listen to belinda carlisle
but only because itunes is on shuffle
think about ebay
think about taking up a crack habit
think about writing something down
fetal pig worksheet
in biology i did not hold a fetal pig
or cut it open with a knife
instead i got a worksheet and said “okay”
i walked to the library
when someone is giving me constructive criticism
i try not to nod my head or say “yeah” too much
because this seems defensive
i googled fetal pig dissection
i looked at the pictures of the organs
they had numbers
i could not tell where the arrows were pointing
and this reminded me of my whole life
when people ask why i did not want to cut open the pig
and stare at its organs
i say “i have been a vegetarian for almost ten years”
or “i’m squeamish”
i say “it’s just a personal thing, just like how i don’t like eating eggs”
saying “it’s not political, it’s personal”
makes me a #1 vegetarian assface
a girl came over to me with her pig worksheet
she said “i’m a vegetarian from now on”
i said “yes”
i looked at pictures of the pig in the library
it was a little blue in the library
there were brick walls
and i wanted to talk to someone about abraham maslow
in a library people are calmer and generally nicer
like when ordering food at waffle house; it is somewhere
you have never been but have heard that it is both beautiful
and disgusting; that flies get into the waffle batter
because you sit right at the counter
and it is the type of restaurant where you can see
things happening; that once my mom cried
in a thai restaurant when she heard someone’s iphone
ring a duck noise; because she thought a duck was crying
in the kitchen
that in a forest in japan lots of people kill themselves
because they are depressed, abused, in debt, lonely, rich, or bored
that maybe some people do it just because other people have
that if everyone programmed their iphone to ring
a duck ringtone simultaneously
my mom would laugh in a thai restaurant
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
jillian clark is the author of ‘if i am in a room full of people, i am not having any fun.’ she likes horror movies and words that sound complete on their own. she rescues turtles when she sees them in the road. she lives in north carolina.
First published in 3:AM Magazine: Wednesday, June 11th, 2008.
