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Walking The Cow

An Exercise

1. Imagine you are interviewing a whale.

(Think of three questions you would like to ask a whale.)

Quotation

“London is like New York City without tears.”
– John Ashbery

Quotation

“It’s crazy how clean Scandinavia is. You can lean anywhere.”
– Josephine Baker

Free Advice

Here’s some free advice
for new fathers:

Never eat a diaper,
even if you’re starving.

Universal Truth

We are all
pornographers.

Waffle House

My friend from Waffle House says if you stacked all of the sausage patties they serve in one day, it would reach the top of the Empire State Building. I say, why bother?

Seattle

Hey, look! It’s raining!

Equestrian Poem

As I lean back in the saddle,
the horse farts like a hurricane.

Quotation

“Although our information is incorrect, we do not guarantee it.”
– Erik Satie

Quotation

“In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.”
– Andy Warhol

Quotation

“As Andy Warhol said: In the future everyone will be famous for ten minutes.”
– Geraldo Rivera

Fax

She
faxed me
one dollar.

Theory

Theoretically if you take all the blood vessels out of your body and laid them end to end you would die.

Pleasurable

How pleasurable
it is to
have two moustaches.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Mike Topp‘s work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Exquisite Corpse, and elsewhere. He is the author of Happy Ending, Where We Found You, I Used To Be Ashamed of My Striped Face and other books.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Friday, October 13th, 2006.