:: Article

Welcome to Our Flat Share

By Alan McCormick & Jonny Voss.


Mandy likes to sit on her rug.

But she’s naked.

She knows that. And Mike is our television man; loves the football day and night.

What if I want to watch something else?

Then you ask him nicely if you can change the channel.

What if he says no?

Then you ask him again. Anyway you may have more in common with Seamus and Gregory; they’re our resident atrocity poets.

I don’t understand poetry.

They’ll drum it into you. By the way did you meet Simon when you went into the kitchen?

The man eating?

Simon is always eating; just never touch his plate and definitely never touch his food.

Who was that in the attic?

Our brooding man.

What’s he brooding about?

Why don’t you ask him?

I wouldn’t like to pry.

I see. Now you’ve met everyone and everyone has met you, you need to decide whether you want to move in or not.

I’ll ring you.

They all say that but they never ring.

I will.

The last one said that too.

I suddenly feel tired. Can I sit down?

Why don’t you lie down? The sedative in your tea is fast acting; wouldn’t want you to fall or anything.

Could I lie on the rug?

Bit fresh with Mandy sitting there; I wouldn’t even think about it. Better to lie down upstairs in your new room and Derek will tell you what he’s been brooding about.


Jonny Voss creates the pictures and Alan McCormick writes the words. Further McCormick & Voss collaborations can be found in Volume Magazine and on Dead Drunk Dublin, as well as on their website Scumsters.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Friday, May 21st, 2010.