:: Article

YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M DISAPPOINTED

New #GE2015fiction, by Rachel Genn.

First_aid_bag(image c/o wikicommons)

When disappointment starts to suffocate, the facility advises foisting. Grab disappointment (by the apron if possible). If foisting not working, call 999 (have your medical insurance details to hand).

Tip: Take smiling sigh and crush it in apron, stuff it down barrel of black canon, no, go further; tamp it to bottom of scud launcher (you can do this by remote control).

Ladies, If brown baby’s on fire, why not use that apron to put it out?

Having trouble explaining to your children who is sponsoring the Olympics? Try explaining rape headlines and remind nosy daughters of Locke, “..what we call good and evil….lies much in comparison.”

If rape headlines and cocopops causing everyday problems wrap apron round daughters’ eyes.  If daughters become afraid of apron, remind them of babies on fire, and refresh them on the Blue Rules: Number 1) Scroungers trump Strivers.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rachel Genn is a writer and was Leverhulme artist-in-residence at University of Sheffield 2014, where she created THE NATIONAL FACILITY FOR THE REGULATION OF REGRET. She is on Twitter.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Friday, May 8th, 2015.