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[11.9.06] [Utahna Faith]
THREE POEMS BY RUSSELL BITTNER
But first, I watch as birds bound out / like junkies seeking fixer, / and then rush back, incensed, to bark / in loud refrain: "You dick, Sir!"
"Screwered"
Chase the chay from Chardonnay
and quit the aq from Aquavit;
and then, we'll just self-medicate
with straws and Champagne split.
Benumbed, we'll stare at coasters
since we're both profoundly lit,
like some pair of roiled roasters
with designs upon a spit.
I delight to see you bluffing,
though I know it's not your style.
In truth, you'd rather grab new stuff,
than charm me with a smile.
And while your age condones the rage
to berth with younger barge,
I wonder: do you think it sage
with lovelies still at large?
So back to cardboard coasters
to correct what doesn't fit,
as we like tortured toasters test
our white bread wit to quit.
"Blizzard"
While all the world's awash in white,
like some bright Motel 6er,
I run myself a bubble bath
and add a warm elixir.
But first, I watch as birds bound out
like junkies seeking fixer,
and then rush back, incensed, to bark
in loud refrain: "You dick, Sir!"
In this young bunch, I have a hunch
(if not for one old geezer),
that any coq could hook a hen
by flocking sock to tease her.
As spawn spreads out upon the lawn
and others rut in gutter,
but for their snores that snuffle snow,
my "Halt!" might make them shudder.
I watch as doves, with shoulders hunched,
now bunch abreast and cower;
but unlike quid pro wail of quail,
doves' quo trades quip for glower.
Le jazz au bar sends out through wire-
less static to my shower,
just as a clutch of jays essays
to sack a seedless flower.
If ever you were keen to know
how days can waste a critter,
you'd merely need to watch the ways
that birds, in sport, can fritter.
"Girl from Baku"
I once idly wandered the wharfs of New York,
carousing like Carroll, but hunting for snork,
and saw there a girl set to pass on review:
a petulant pet parvenue.
I curtailed my search on a quay in Paree
for a French lass du jour (but who'd toujours love me);
instead, vowed to wow this "génue" from Baku
to love me till death us undo.
She sent me away—a degenerate jerk,
to diddle with donkeys in dingy Dunkirk,
or else, to get clued in on ewes from Baku,
who do it with didgeridoo.
And so from Moskvá, where I'd spied in a spa
a spry thing from Riga in sporty red bra,
I queued the news home to my girl from Baku,
who milked it like one mad emu.
I next found a floozie in boozie Berlin.
"Just try her!" I hawked with Catullian grin.
"Refreshingly hip!" quipped my girl from Baku,
forgetting that I'd had her, too.
I then stripped a kid of his id in Madrid,
who'd offered me whores as baksheesh for my bid
to find him a strumpety girl from Baku
as fetching as my Guinea Pooh.
I last hooked some kink in the heart of Helsink'—
a pert pair who plied me with VSOPink.
I flung both Finns out for my girl from Baku...
who finished me off with "Fuck you!"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
 Russell Bittner lives in Brooklyn, New York. His poems have been published on paper by: The American Dissident; The Blind Man's Rainbow; The Lyric; The Barbaric Yawp; The International Journal of Erotica; Wicked Hollow; The Taj Mahal Review; and Aesthetica. One additional piece will appear in 2006 in N.O.L.A. Spleen.
On-line, his poetry can be found at: Quintessence; ken*again; Spillway Review; Erotica Readers and Writers; Edifice Wrecked; Girls With Insurance; Thieves Jargon; Salome Magazine; Laura Hird; Mad Hatters' Review; A Long Story Short; Opium Magazine; Southern Hum; Justus Roux; Different Voices; Void Magazine; Mindfire; PW Review; Zygote in my Coffee; A Little Poetry; Plum Biscuit (a journal of the New York Writers Guild) and The Centrifugal Eye. Others are scheduled to appear at The Centrifugal Eye, Dogmatika, and monthly through December at A Long Story Short.
On paper, he currently has stories with the Edgar Literary Magazine; The International Journal of Erotica; Beyond Centauri; and Swill Magazine. In the dot.com world, his prose can be found at: Dead Mule; writeThis; Girls With Insurance; Skive Magazine; Bluefood; Thieves Jargon; Quintessence; Mannequin Envy; Underground Voices; Pindeldyboz; Hackwriters; 10,000 Monkeys; deaddrunkdublin; A Long Story Short; Southern Hum; Suffolk Punch; Void Magazine; VerbSap; Per Contra; and Yankee Pot Roast.
Russell completed his first novel, Trompe-l'oeil, in September of 2004. The first chapter will appear in Snow Monkey in the fall. He completed a second, much shorter novel-memoir, Girl from Baku, in June of 2005, the first six chapters of which are currently posted at deaddrunkdublin. The entire memoir will be serialized at Dogmatika starting in September and through February of next year (2007). Both, in the meantime, are going through agents faster than a greyhound goes through giblets.
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