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FETISH ALPHABET





FETISH ALPHABET III: C IS FOR CONJOINED TWINS

"Thank god that I hold the key to their lock between my legs, and praise the Lord that I am the pile-driver of their undivining love for me."

by Susannah Breslin

COPYRIGHT © 2002, 3 A.M. MAGAZINE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

You had to love them, he thought, for how could you not, for you could not hate them, could you? There were so many things about them, after all, to love.

Take, for example, when he was having them both -- for how could he not? -- as the likelihood one of them would be moaning, even if the other was yawning her mouth or rolling her eyes, was still incredibly high. If one went along, the other one had to; this was the beauty of their Y-shape in God's own design. Now, whether or not the two of them needed him at all -- this was the thought that woke him up screaming into the night as they lay sleeping side-by-side beside him.

He knew it was entirely possible that one day they would stop bickering and fighting and putting their fingers into each other's eyes, and he would be the one underneath them while one of them held his hands and the other one sliced his tongue in two with his own steak knife. Their two noodles sat suspended in divided vessels above undivided bodies, but to what degree they ever truly worked apart was nature's greatest mystery.

Thank god, he thought, as he pushed the lawnmower past the window where the two of them were now standing with a hand on each hip, staring down at him through their four narrowed eyes as the wet grass sprayed up and across his face in the terrible summer heat once again. Thank god that I hold the key to their lock between my legs, and praise the Lord that I am the pile-driver of their undivining love for me.







ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Susannah Breslin is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles. Her articles have appeared in Salon.com, Harper's Bazaar, Details and the LA Weekly among others, and her visage has appeared on programs ranging from Politically Incorrect to CNN. Currently, she is writing a novel, Reverse Cowgirl, which is "a surrealized account of her many journalistic adventures through Porn Valley, USA".






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