Anybody and everybody should be your friend. I know the name of every
janitor in my building, every parking attendant in the garage and every
woman in the coffee shop. Snobbiness is a trait carried off only by people
who can afford to not care what other people think. It doesn't apply in
the game I'm in.
So the morning after the tryst with the secretary, I told her what the deal
"Listen Sam, I want to make sure that there's no confusion between us, you
know, about last night. I had a great time and I really like you but I need
to make sure that we have the same expectations." I spoke softly and looked
deep into her eyes as I said this, it's a speech I've given a hundred times
and I can do it with uncanny sincerity. The reason it's been such an
effective tactic for me is because it is the truth. I did have a good time
and I did like her and I needed to make sure she wasn't going to be hurt.
If she got hurt, she would cease to be my friend and I can't have that. And
the truth of the matter is, women appreciate honesty.
"I know. I had a great time too, don't worry. I don't expect anything. Just
maybe we can do it again sometime." She really was a beautiful girl, I'd
been lucky to spend time with her but I couldn't give her anything more at
this point. That was the only bad part of my lifestyle. I hated to sleep
alone but simply didn't have the time to devote to any one person.
"I'd like that." I brushed her hair back with my hand, a cheesy tactic but
again, effective in making her feel special.
We saw each other at her office many times after that and had several
friendly conversations. As far as I could tell, there were no lingering
feelings of animosity. I don't think there ever had been. But, she had made
the mistake of telling a co-worker that we had slept together and it had
gotten around both of our offices. The CEO found out and I'm guessing
that's why I'm standing here with my head in a toilet, contemplating what
to do next and dry heaving.
I pulled myself out of the bowl and up to the sink. I splashed cold water
on my face and tried to shock myself into revelation.
THINK GODDAMMNNIT, THINK
What was I going to do, how was I going to get out of this one? First thing
Monday that fucking jerk would call my boss and have my ass on a platter.
My boss would promise the moon in order to keep them as a client and to be
honest I wouldn't blame him. My boss and I didn't have the greatest
relationship to begin with. He was a nerd, an engineer who pulled the
company line. I was a loudmouth frat-guy, concerned for himself primarily
and nobody else second.
Glancing at the clock, I realized that it wasn't as early as I thought it
was. Or maybe I had been puking for longer than I wanted to admit. It was
about ten and I figured I should at least check my email and see what
happened between the time I left for my disaster last night and this
morning's hangover. Then I'd go for a run and clear my head. Running always
helped me think.
I fired up my laptop and jumped online, dsl-ing my way into the company
Intranet. As my computer chugged away I brewed a pot of strong coffee. I
forced an un-toasted bagel down my throat to soak up the abundance of
stomach acid that had accumulated since last night. I had forty-seven
emails. Unbelievable. I had been out of the office for sixteen hours,
between 4:00 PM on a Friday until now and I had forty-seven emails. Don't
this people sleep?