I ranked them by sender and gauged their importance according to who paid the greatest percentage of my salary. As I checked the senders, one in particular jumped out ? shaley@hotmail.com. ? the subject line read "about last night." It was Samantha, the secretary. I didn't open the email right away, I just sat there trying to appreciate the irony of the subject line and the fact that she sent it the day after her boss terminated our working relationship. Why was she using her Hotmail account? Why didn't she just use her corporate one? Personally, I only used my Hotmail account when I was looking for a job.

I double-clicked and opened it up. There was no message, just an attachment in a word document. It was entitled "banter.doc". I clicked on download and got up to pour myself a cup of coffee with just a splash of milk. I sat down and took a big pull of it. It was hot and it soothed my throat as the peristalsis worked it down.

The file finished downloading and not knowing what to expect, I began reading. I figured our "understanding" had been a façade and she was going to tear me a new asshole as some scorned women do. Damn, I didn't mean to hurt her. I really thought we were cool.

I began reading and couldn't believe what I saw. I dropped both my coffee cup and my jaw onto the floor as I stared in shock at her letter.

"Sam, my wife's out of town tonight. My place, 8:00." ? Roger

"Roger, I don't know, I think she's getting suspicious" ? Samantha

"No she's not. She doesn't suspect anything"

"Seriously Roger, I think maybe we slow this down a little. I mean, I work for you?"

"That's right. You do."

It went on like this for fifteen pages. FIFTEEN PAGES!!!! She had kept every email that he had sent her (of a personal nature) and had compiled a master document outlining the affair. What an idiot he had been, using email in the first place as a medium for carrying on an extra-marital affair with his secretary. Jubilation shuddered through me like an orgasm. And just like that, I had the upper hand.

Hangover gone, clarity of thought regained, composure retained, I picked up the phone and dialed. Today would be a good day after all. I suddenly felt like celebrating.

"Sam? Shawn here. How are you??"

I told you, it's all about friends.