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Excerpt: Memphis Underground

By Stewart Home

‘Do The Dog’

I got myself a job selling fresh chicken door to door. I was on a commission and after three days I quit because I hadn’t made any money. I didn’t know it, but the good residents of Haringey had been forewarned by the local council that the meat I was hawking was condemned as unfit for human consumption. The bloke I was working with drove the van, we both knocked on doors and after three days I was heartily sick of no sales but plenty of verbal abuse.

“Would you like some fresh chicken?”

“What d’ya think I am, a chicken hawk?”

“No, you don’t look like a bird of prey to me.”

“A chicken hawk is a pervert who likes young boys you moron!”

Then the door was slammed shut in my face. I guess it could have been worse, the geezer might have punched out my lights.

This story is taken from Stewart Home’s latest book, Memphis Underground (Snowbooks, 2007).

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Thursday, March 15th, 2007.