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\u00d3rla rocks on her heels tilting her uterus backwards in a toilet stall at Connolly Station. Puts a hand down her pants. Looks at her fingers. No red. Folds toilet paper into her knickers, thinks of how the fail-safe old-school way to stop most Irish fellas sleeping with you is to tell them you\u2019re on your period. They choose to stay far away from the reality of that, can\u2019t say they\u2019ll pull out covered in ripe blood. There\u2019s a certain kind of sanctity surrounding your menstrual flow, a hangover of old ilk connecting you to the tides and their transgenerational fears of moons and banshees. Most young fellas just won\u2019t do freaky, knowingly or with forewarning, worried it\u2019ll get out they\u2019re riding at all when they could conceivably still be set for the priesthood or denying the child\u2019s even theirs, \u2018Ma, I\u2019m still a virgin.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n And now \u00d3rla\u2019s got herself an English boyfriend. An Englishman, fresh off the boat, they\u2019re like heathens, they\u2019d ride you ragged during your period, around the clock, have no shame about wanting to be inside you; but they won\u2019t ever do it outside. Irish fellas love the kink of the outdoors. They\u2019d get up on you in alleyways, fields, the back windowsill behind the pub. Lack of foreplay is the major attraction. The odd Irish fella is wise to the moontime game and if you tell them you\u2019re on your yoke, they\u2019ll just keep pushing it in regardless, thinking it\u2019s your polite way of saying, \u2018I\u2019m chaste.\u2019 When it\u2019s not. So, then you do have to say, \u2018The way you keep pushing your thing in is a bit painful like with the tampon already inside.\u2019 They\u2019d stop tip-raping you then and probably look for a blow job for their troubles. Or you might get caught out, they might be like, \u2018Are you really?\u2019 and then you\u2019d have to say something small and feeble like, \u2018Why would I lie?\u2019 But maybe, maybe it\u2019s just the almost-men \u00d3rla\u2019s known. She washes then shakes her hands splashing the mirrored sink.<\/p>\n So, \u00d3rla got herself an English boyfriend, to piss her Da off. Specifically one who actively seeks to robustly discuss an Irish take on The Troubles, to piss her cousin, Sen\u00e1n, off. The English boyfriend dutifully tells his stock story about his earliest memory. The IRA bombings in London. In front of Republican friends. At family functions. And how he was with his parents and his father was pulling him by the right hand, really hard, and all he remembers to this day is the blood. It shuts everyone up. Blood on the newspapers, on the city centre pavement. \u00d3rla likes watching her Da squirm. And how red it was. Watching Sen\u00e1n\u2019s colour rise. And how that is his earliest memory. They can\u2019t deny an Englishman his own childhood. And how he\u2019ll never forget it. She loves watching the Irishmen stuck, gulping their pints, in pregnant rage. Her fella\u2019s story seems to \u00d3rla like an incredibly sexy earliest memory. Like, really, her fella\u2019s actual earliest memory was playing with Lego or eating apple tart; but the London Bombings were just too fucking sexy to leave out of any given conversation.<\/p>\n And yeah, \u00d3rla\u2019s well aware she\u2019s a bit of a cunt too, herself like. Growing up, watching the main evening news and waiting for it: \u2018A person was killed today, a Catholic.\u2019 Then: \u2018A person was killed today, a Protestant.\u2019 That\u2019s how you knew the news was over, the religious always died at the end.<\/p>\n She’s standing in the main concourse at Connolly Station. \u00d3rla approaches the platform display, trains heading both north and south, she grimaces passing beneath.<\/p>\n Funny how it was the English boyfriend who first told her that her own father had missed being blown up in the Dublin Monaghan bombings by only a few minutes. Wondering now if any of those Iarnr\u00f3d \u00c9ireann<\/em> bomb threats of her youth were ever real bombs and never once thinking there was an actual bomb. Her warped immunity in the Republic of Ireland.<\/p>\n But now, now the Omagh bombing has hit her hard. Newsreel playing, brain cogs spinning. Safety concerns aren\u2019t all the way up there anymore but down here and getting closer. Being haunted by the woman pregnant with twins. Twins. The Spanish woman. The schoolboys. Boys. Learning how people were corralled into the street for the boom. Blood on all the newsreels of Market Street pavements. And how red it was. All that death in her face blasting across the TV. Blaring from people\u2019s mouths on all sides. And how the dead populate her short-term memory now. Like everyone else just seems to be able to get on with it while she spends her days freaking-the-fuck-out.<\/p>\n \u00d3rla\u2019s walking north through Connolly Station to the Dublin\u2013Belfast trainline, fluorescent underpass lights thrumming through her head, each and every footstep flooding her ears. Newsreel playing, brain cogs spinning. Clenching muscles tight and then releasing. Waiting on the blood. Toilet paper in her knickers. Thinking about the blood. Stemming the flow. Up and out to yellow paint scrawled across brickwork: Fan taobh thiar den l\u00edne seo<\/em>.<\/p>\n Rachel\u2019s waiting on platform seven, her train already in from Maynooth. They kiss, a peck, on the lips in broad daylight. Hug like girls hug girls. Hold hands like young women can and do. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018Text my Dad we\u2019re on our way, I\u2019ve no credit.\u2019 \u00d3rla pulls her phone from her bag and turns it on, it beeps again and again and again\u2026 Six messages from Barry\u2019s number:<\/p>\n U on ur way 2 d sticks?<\/p>\n HRH lookin u<\/p>\n HRH drinkin my coffffffeeeeee<\/p>\n HRH lookin fine in his boxers<\/p>\n HRH watchin cd:uk w\/ me<\/p>\n HRH still here<\/p>\n In d flat like?<\/p>\n yeaaaah<\/p>\n tell him am gone home for wkend<\/p>\n U left him sleepin in bed. Cut him loose alrdy<\/p>\n go fuck urself Bar<\/p>\n wudn\u2019t dat b a gr8 trick. Y u so mean 2 Duke of Windsor<\/p>\n w\/ rachel. hes no invited<\/p>\n mind urself out dere. i hear dat\u2019s were d wild things grow<\/p>\n wilder u know xx<\/p>\n Rachel is tender draped around \u00d3rla on the edge of the train tracks. \u00d3rla powers her phone back off. She knows two things. One: kissing girls is nicer than kissing boys. Tastes nicer, feels softer, more receptive, interactive. And the feeling builds. Like you\u2019re really there with her, the girl. Like someone is kissing you and you are kissing them. You really know one another. \u00d3rla likes kissing girls. \u00d3rla likes kissing Rachel. Two: she\u2019s not gay. Because you\u2019d know if you were gay, like.<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n Slouched over \u00d3rla, both of them taking up four seats on the train, legs splayed over duffel bags, feet resting on seat rims opposite, Rachel\u2019s demolishing a packet of crisps. \u00d3rla: \u2018Healthy breakfast.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s nearly lunchtime.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018The absolute stink of them.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel leans over, bites \u00d3rla\u2019s earlobe.<\/p>\n \u2018Monster Munch.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla laughs.<\/p>\n \u2018Would you fuck off.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel breathes onto \u00d3rla\u2019s face.<\/p>\n \u2018Cow.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla grabs the packet, jumps up and tussles with her, pretending to throw them out the window. Rachel\u2019s right up in \u00d3rla\u2019s space now and the train is going ckckck-ckckck-ckckck ckckck-ckckck-ckckck-ckckck-ckckck-ckckck<\/em>. Thrumming noise and motion increasing. Ckckck-ckckck-ckckc<\/em>k. Clenching muscles tight and then releasing. Ckckck-ckckck-ckckck<\/em>. Blood filled images spilling, spooling, haunting. Ckckck-ckckck ckckck<\/em>. Light and dark spinning, flooding. Ckckck-ckckck-ckck<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n Rocked by the Enterprise from Belfast hurtling in the other direction. Screeching, blasting, blaring bombards her skull. Tightness darts her chest. Sharp pains. Skipped heartbeats. \u00d3rla rocks backwards; then sits and tosses Rachel her crisps. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018What\u2019s\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Nothing, nothing.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Is it the train thing?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yeh, I just, can\u2019t\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018S\u2019okay to be nervous sometimes, petal.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I just, I\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018S\u2019okay.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel turns on her discman, gives \u00d3rla one earbud, throws her coat over the two of them and they snuggle, heads resting on heads. Hands held under their makeshift blanket. Every time the bell sounds for a station announcement \u00d3rla gives a little jolt, then Rachel touches and presses \u00d3rla\u2019s palm heart flesh with her thumb. They doze. Rachel shifts and kisses \u00d3rla on the collarbone. \u00d3rla:<\/p>\n \u2018Next stop?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Next to nothing.\u2019<\/p>\n It\u2019s always funny, \u00d3rla always laughs. She stretches her arms out to touch her toes, yanks the earbud out of Rachel\u2019s ear. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018Heya! Watch it.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Hah.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Are you coming to mine and on to the pub from there, or heading to yours first or what?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yours and pub. I\u2019ll go home in the morning.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Snaking about the town like you\u2019re not from here.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Pretty much\u2026 Sure would you look at your one who\u2019s long finished in Maynooth and won\u2019t move home talking; but like, it\u2019s just too much hassle, we\u2019d be dead late out.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I have a job.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Please. You\u2019re no better than me.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018If you think so.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel rolls her eyes, lobs \u00d3rla her knapsack and hoots off the train. \u00d3rla puts one bag on each shoulder, bundles up their coats, chases after her. Catches Rachel by her rear pocket before she goes through the turnstile.<\/p>\n \u2018Thanks for being kind about the noise.\u2019<\/p>\n Then \u00d3rla grabs Rachel in a headlock and kisses the parting in her hair with a resounding smack. Rachel\u2019s dad beeps the car horn at them and they run over, both piling onto the back seat.<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n Rachel carries two cups of coffee\u2014spiked with Tia Maria\u2014 and settles next to \u00d3rla on the bed. Rachel\u2019s skin is still damp from her shower. \u00d3rla thinks it smells of Palmolive and sugar. \u00d3rla licks Rachel\u2019s shoulder. Rachel kisses her full blown on the mouth, parting \u00d3rla\u2019s lips with her tongue. Folding into her is sweetening, fast and still. The immediacy of wetness surprises. \u00d3rla backs up. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018What?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m waiting on the blood. I think it just came.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m glad something came.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Get fucked.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Again. Too easy.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel pulls a tampon from the bedside drawer and sips the now lukewarm poor woman\u2019s Irish coffee, lets her bath towel fall and \u00d3rla stares at her flawless in the lamplight in her pelt. \u00d3rla:<\/p>\n \u2018I have to go the loo.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m giving you my towel.\u2019<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n There\u2019s no toilet roll and \u00d3rla rocks on her heels tilting her uterus backwards. Puts her hand down her pants, looks at her fingers. No red. Opens the linen cupboard, tears then folds kitchen paper into her knickers and washes her hands in the bathroom sink with Fairy Liquid. \u00d3rla crosses back the hall, squinting in at Rachel through a gap in the door. \u00d3rla murmurs:<\/p>\n \u2018There\u2019s nothing to wash with in the bathroom.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018My dad can\u2019t shop for shite on his own. Hang on.\u2019 They go into the bathroom, Rachel motions to the bar of soap and \u00d3rla says: \u2018False alarm.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel turns on the shower:<\/p>\n \u2018Okay.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla strips off and nods at the tampon:<\/p>\n \u2018No, false alarm.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I can\u2019t get in with you.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You can watch me though.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla uses a hotel-sized shampoo, starts washing her pubic hair. Rachel laughs:<\/p>\n \u2018Are you going to condition?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s hair, why would you use soap?\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla lathers her body in Palmolive, rinses it all off. Takes the showerhead from its cradle and starts soaking upwards between her legs. Rachel groans and touches herself. \u00d3rla: \u2018Come in.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018No.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel sits on the closed toilet seat.<\/p>\n \u2018Come in here with me.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018No.\u2019<\/p>\n The water pressure is waning, \u00d3rla adjusts the nozzle for a harder flow. She positions herself on the inner rim of the bathtub directly facing Rachel. \u00d3rla puts one hand behind herself on the wall tile and tilts her pelvis forward giving Rachel more of a view. Rachel stays seated, wanking. \u00d3rla bends her head, face to collarbone, stifling a scream. They both continue wanking. Flushed and wet she looks up at Rachel, who is smiling at her, happy and spent. The light flickers on and off.<\/p>\n \u2018There\u2019ll be no hot water left. I\u2019ve to shave for Saturday night Mass.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I was doing \u00d3rla\u2019s hair, Dad.\u2019<\/p>\n They burst out laughing.<\/p>\n \u2018We\u2019re finished now.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel wraps \u00d3rla in her towel.<\/p>\n \u2018Turn the immersion back on for twenty minutes. I\u2019m not made of money.\u2019 He chuckles and walks away.<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n Rachel: \u2018I\u2019ll nuke our coffees. Get fucking dressed. Or we\u2019ll be here \u2018til closing.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla throws on an old denim shirt of Rachel\u2019s, ties it with a red silk scarf to make a waist and rummages through a laundry basket. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018Do you\u2019ve no clothes of your own?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I was going to ask for your big hoop earrings too.\u2019 \u2018Headwrecker.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I don\u2019t need a tampon but do you\u2019ve any liners?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yeah, here. Is it tights you\u2019re after?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Tights, and a sickly condensed milk kiss.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Top of the range that Tia Maria coffee, top of the range that.\u2019 Rachel pulls a navy jumper dress from \u00d3rla\u2019s duffel bag. And they kiss there then, each in one another\u2019s clothes.<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n They head down to the beach car park with a six-pack and twenty Marlboro Lights, sit up on the boulders flicking lit matches into the night sky, watching them fall. \u00d3rla: \u2018You think we\u2019re getting too old for this?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I hope not.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Everyone else goes out for dinner and heads straight to the pub after.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018But, they have job jobs and money to burn.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Credit cards, more like.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018If we did that with them so little of the night would be just us together.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019d be shite.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018They talk about mortgages now, and Credit Union loans.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You really should start thinking about your career, you could get onto the property ladder with your qualifications.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018And you wasting money on rent in town when you could be living back home saving for a deposit.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018And her working in the offices in Maynooth but not doing a HDip, waste of a year.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Waste of four years.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Wastes of space.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Like we\u2019re twenty-six, not forty-six.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018And we\u2019re all going skiing after Christmas, youse should come.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Skiing!\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Who from round here has ever gone skiing before now.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018But we buy the suits in Penneys.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018No, Guineys. They\u2019re like rompers for kids but we just get the largest size.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s a bit of a contortionists\u2019 holiday.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Like magicians we stick it on the Visa.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018At least they never make us pay for rounds.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018The weekdays are so long without you.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Mine too.\u2019<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n The pub is throng-full of people. Din.<\/p>\n \u00d3rla looks startled at first and motions she\u2019s heading straight outside, \u2018breathe\u2019 mouths Rachel and wrestles in between people five-deep at the bar. \u00d3rla is pushed along by bodies. Shouldered from one to another. Elbowed in the ribs.<\/p>\n Thrum.<\/p>\n Thrum thrum-thrum-thrumming.<\/p>\n The buzz of the human crowd sounds unnaturally like the thrumming of houseflies and dragonflies, mixed together, in flight.<\/p>\n Thrum.<\/p>\n Breaths stop and start. This racket. Thrum thrum. The noise commotion makes before it kills you. Breath. Stop. Yips and yells. Breath. Start. Thrum thrum. Breath. Thrum thrum. Stop. Start. Din in in in in in in in in.<\/p>\n \u00d3rla propels herself into the beer garden, rocks and rests against the wall. Drinking air.<\/p>\n There are several old wooden barrels decorating the back. The courtyard is like a country and western set trying and failing not to look kitsch. \u00d3rla sees a spot near the space heater they could stand and have a shelf for their drinks. She jumps when a hand claps her on the shoulder\u2014it\u2019s her cousin, Sen\u00e1n:<\/p>\n \u2018There you are, back in the fold.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Hi.\u2019<\/p>\n He passes her a joint.<\/p>\n \u2018Home to see the mammy.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Just for the night, you know yourself.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Have you seen the brother, been wondering when he\u2019ll get here.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m with Rachel.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018When are you not? Inhale on that, you\u2019re looking a bit shook.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I haven\u2019t been sleeping much the past weeks.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Bar work would have you like that.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018No, I temp during the week now, I just do like functions the odd weekend.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019d say it\u2019s good money.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It is what it is.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Are you okay, \u00d3rla? You look peaky.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m just not one for the crowds anymore, it does be like bedlam.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You\u2019d prefer a quiet pint in Dublin.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Is a seat really too much to ask for?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018No, you\u2019re dead right, dead right, it\u2019s not. Here, you keep hold of that, I\u2019ll nip to the bog, tell himself where I\u2019m at.\u2019 This is the village as a town now, joints flying around the back of the pub, J\u00e4gerbombs, rounds and rounds of double vodkas with Berocca and Red Bull, lines of coke in the toilets on weekend nights; flaunting the wealth. A schoolfriend hands her two pints and says: She turns to thank them properly and they\u2019re off encouraging a kid to scale the godawful-looking pergola. Rachel\u2019s waving over at her trapped in the doorway by some head talking shite.<\/p>\n And then Barry, \u00d3rla\u2019s flatmate Barry, pushes out from behind them.<\/p>\n \u2018What the actual?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018\u00d3rla, quick, His Royal Nibs is with me, he\u2019s getting a round in.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Here? Now?\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla feels faint.<\/p>\n \u2018Yes.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018God Almighty.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla puts her fingers to her eyelids.<\/p>\n \u2018No, no. Keep it together. Keep it together, pal.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Why? How?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018He wouldn\u2019t arse off.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ah! Fuck.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019ll be okay.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Will it, Barry? Will it be okay?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It will, it will.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I don\u2019t want this. I can\u2019t\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla gulps air in. Barry lowers his face to hers and talks into her ear:<\/p>\n \u2018Yeah, look, we played Nintendo for a few hours, he wasn\u2019t leaving the flat in case you came back, then he got bored or whatever and cajoled me to go for pints in some Republican pub near Smithfield, you know the way he\u2019s mad for all that, after those rounds I dare-made him go for a swift one in The George, and then he says, we\u2019d get the train out here, there was no dissuading him, so I had to fucking come along; and he\u2019s fluthered. I\u2019ve been ringing you all evening.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Mother of fucketyfuckfuck. Him and Rachel don\u2019t get along.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ever wonder why?\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla bulges her eyes.<\/p>\n \u2018Fuck.\u2019 \u2018If I don\u2019t fucking kill myself.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Grand, you\u2019ll be grand, grand, we\u2019ll be grand. Grand. Grand. It\u2019s all grand.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Stop it! Stop. Are you fucking high?\u2019<\/p>\n Barry glances down.<\/p>\n \u2018We did a bit on the train.\u2019 \u00d3rla dances in a temper. Rachel arrives and pulls the three of them together in a group hug, kisses Barry\u2019s cheek.<\/p>\n \u2018My two favourite people.\u2019<\/p>\n She puts two double vodkas and a can of Coke on the ledge, dumps ice into an empty pint glass. Starts pouring. Leaves a third of the vodka in the one glass, adds some Coke, swishes the rest of the Coke into the other glass, and somehow manages to pour half of its contents back inside the can; smiles, handing the Coke can to Barry. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018Years of practice. Trapped by that eejit from my estate for a decade there, asking me about his sister\u2019s points for the Leaving. Like I\u2019m the fucking CAO or something.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Rachel, he\u2019s here, he came with Barry.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Who? Not\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yup, yup, him, HRH\u2014I came up with that one, isn\u2019t it gas?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Barry. Shut up!\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ah now.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Sorry, sorry.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla\u2019s cousin Sen\u00e1n and her English boyfriend, Mark, stagger across the back to them. Sen\u00e1n has about twenty drinks on a tray. Barry spots a vacant barrel with more space, motions to it. The lads bag it. Rachel, \u00d3rla and Barry walk over to them. Sen\u00e1n passes them shots:<\/p>\n \u2018I found this West Brit at the bar.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Thoroughbred.\u2019<\/p>\n Everyone laughs and downs the drinks. Mark clamps a hand on \u00d3rla\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n \u2018I was missing you. You look lovely. New dress?\u2019 \u2018It\u2019s Rachel\u2019s.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Oh, yes, hello.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel, deadpan:<\/p>\n \u2018Hiya.\u2019<\/p>\n Sen\u00e1n is stacking the empties to one side. \u2018I was saying before youse all got here, \u00d3rla looks a bit out of sorts.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s just my period, okay.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Jesus, didn\u2019t know we were talking about rags down the pub. In fairness. \u00d3rla, we\u2019re family but we\u2019re not that close.\u2019<\/p>\n Barry shouts: \u2018Enough. Let\u2019s drink!\u2019<\/p>\n And they all do another shot. Mark still has his right hand clamped on \u00d3rla\u2019s shoulder and she doesn\u2019t know if it\u2019s to steady himself or to claim possession. Rachel\u2019s smiling at Barry\u2014who\u2019s mock playing the drums\u2014while at the same time she looks pure sad. Mark starts in:<\/p>\n \u2018As a matter of fact\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel coughs:<\/p>\n \u2018Oh here we go.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018As a matter of fact, \u00d3rla\u2019s been a bit out of sorts since the bombing.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018That is not pub conversation.\u2019 Rachel eyes Mark. \u2018It\u2019s something I noted. She hasn\u2019t been sleeping.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Is that true \u00d3rla?\u2019 Sen\u00e1n asks.<\/p>\n \u2018Lookit, I\u2019d rather talk about something else.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Something other than The Cause. Something more important.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I definitely didn\u2019t say that.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Well, I wouldn\u2019t want to hear something like that coming from a cousin of mine.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I didn\u2019t, I did not say it wasn\u2019t important, it\u2019s just like Rachel said, it\u2019s not pub conversation.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel smiles, properly this time. Mark keeps pushing: \u2018I\u2019ve been trying to gather thoughts on it and no one has one, not one, one word to say.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Tell me you\u2019re not really MI6.\u2019 Barry is hopping about, doing 007 moves.<\/p>\n Sen\u00e1n nods at Barry, half-laughs; turns to eyeball Mark and states:<\/p>\n \u2018When you come from a family like mine and \u00d3rla\u2019s you see the world differently. The Troubles are not separate. Not when you have skin in the game.\u2019<\/p>\n Mark keeps pushing in regardless:<\/p>\n \u2018Is that how you see it, \u00d3rla?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ah, for fuck\u2019s sake,\u2019 Rachel mutters.<\/p>\n \u2018Noted.\u2019<\/p>\n Barry\u2019s jigging about on the spot; he goes:<\/p>\n \u2018A drink for you, a drink for you, a drink for you, and you, and me.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla\u2019s never loved him more than in this moment. Everyone\u2019s looking at her. Panic. Rising. \u00d3rla: \u2018It has had me upset. It\u2019s fair to have said that.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018A little bit too real on the island?\u2019 Mark quips. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018For fuck\u2019s sake!\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Again. Noted.\u2019<\/p>\n Sen\u00e1n barks a cough, then says in a low whisper: \u2018You\u2019re not taking the other side, \u00d3rla. We\u2019ll have words.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Sexually transmitted colonialism would be gas,\u2019 Barry snorts.<\/p>\n \u00d3rla slams her glass down onto the barrel.<\/p>\n \u2018No. Stop. Stop. Everyone stop!\u2019 \u00d3rla breathes. Continues:<\/p>\n \u2018It is upsetting when people die. Are killed.\u2019<\/p>\n Mark raises his eyebrows, dryly: \u2018Upsetting?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m not finished!\u2026 But that is war, Mark, that is the harsh reality of war.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla puts her fingers to her eyelids, exhales, then starts tapping at her pockets searching for cigarettes. Her cousin passes her one. Rachel leans in to light it. \u00d3rla closes her eyes, sucks on the cigarette in gulps, creases then bows her forehead. Rachel openly glares at Mark, snaps:<\/p>\n \u2018She\u2019s answered you now. You done.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Noted, I said.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla shifts from under Mark\u2019s grasp.<\/p>\n \u2018Don\u2019t talk to her like that.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Is that how it is, is it?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ah here, mind yourselves, no need to get messy now,\u2019 \u00d3rla\u2019s cousin waves to some friends, who sidle over. Barry and one of the friends start mock ballet dancing in between everyone. Rachel turns to Sen\u00e1n:<\/p>\n \u2018Fuck this for a Saturday night. You coming the jacks?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yeah, yes, good idea. Look, you two, sort it out. It\u2019s everybody\u2019s weekend.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla tries to catch Rachel by the cuff of her jumper dress. Misses. Rachel turns. \u00d3rla mouths, \u2018Don\u2019t,\u2019 Rachel shakes her head no. They go off to the toilets. Barry is dancing with a new partner now and old schoolfriends are jostling, curtseying and pirouetting. Everyone is having a flying night. \u00d3rla faces Mark.<\/p>\n \u2018Can you never just leave it for one minute?\u2019<\/p>\n Mark props himself up against the wall.<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m interested in current events.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla takes one step towards him. Waits.<\/p>\n Mark:<\/p>\n \u2018Sue me.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla looks at him. Disgusted.<\/p>\n \u2018We are not a fucking ethnographical study.\u2019<\/p>\n Mark blinks. Fast.<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m interested in you.\u2019<\/p>\n He tries to touch her face. \u00d3rla backs away.<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s not okay. Following me. Bossing me in public.\u2019 Mark downs the end of someone\u2019s flat pint, says: \u2018Sorry.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Sorry.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Can we just\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n He\u2019s reaching, trying to grab \u00d3rla\u2019s hands but he keeps missing. So he\u2019s just grabbing at her. \u00d3rla pushes him back up to standing height against the wall, leans into his ear, pleads: \u2018Mark, she\u2019s my best friend.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Is that what she is. Is she?\u2019<\/p>\n The house lights go on inside.<\/p>\n Almost the entire pub is congregating out the back now. The first bars of Amhr\u00e1n na bhFiann<\/em> start up through the loudspeakers.<\/p>\n \u00d3rla chokes:<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s fucking suffocating here.\u2019<\/p>\n She walks away.<\/p>\n A widening circle is forming. When the national anthem is over, Barry starts emptying his pockets into the slot, \u00d3rla hands him what\u2019s left of her loose change. He hits every button until they end up with a packet of Benson & Hedges. They stand in the doorway, looking at the congregation, enveloped in harsh-tasting tar and regrets.<\/p>\n Barry works on rolling some mini-joints for later. \u00d3rla says: \u2018Do you ever see music, like the notes appearing above people\u2019s heads, while a song is being sung, and how they might drift off or break away when there is an echo of discord, dissonance, and you fix your eyes on it, willing it to stop drifting, sending it some kind of energy, to forget the slip, to just float back down, rejoin the chorus, but it can\u2019t; it\u2019s happened, there\u2019s this brokenness, a jagged bit, that\u2019ll always be outside of the circle. And you, you both know this, but you keep fixed on it, willing it, to fit back in.\u2019 He tilts her face, he kisses her temple. \u00d3rla:<\/p>\n \u2018I have to be just one thing.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018This, you know this\u2026\u2019 Barry gestures, \u2018it\u2019s, it\u2019s not kind.\u2019 \u00d3rla doubles over, and he can tell she is crying. \u2018I think I\u2019m going to be sick.\u2019<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n Standing at the sink \u00d3rla knows she should probably make herself throw up, but she also thinks about what a desperate waste of money that would be, so doesn\u2019t. She slides her hand into her pants, feels for the blood, nothing, rocks backwards on her heels and rests her head against the tiled wall. She considers having a wank, because anything, literally anything, would be better than this. There\u2019s squeaking and scraping coming from the other side. She knocks, four taps. Someone knocks four taps back. She knocks six taps. Someone knocks six taps back. She knocks again. Someone knocks back, waits, another, waits, then another, waits, then another, waits, then another, until there\u2019s just palms banging and banging on the wall. She walks out and opens the door to a storeroom. Sen\u00e1n and Rachel are standing there drumming their fingers, slapping and chasing each other\u2019s hands up the walls. Walls that are covered in game upon game of Xs and Os, game upon game upon game of Xs and Os decorate the storeroom walls. \u00d3rla:<\/p>\n \u2018What the\u2014 what in the actual name of fuck are youse two doing?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018We found a pen,\u2019 \u00d3rla\u2019s cousin laughs. Rachel: \u2018It started with best of three.\u2019<\/p>\n They break their shits laughing. \u00d3rla shakes her head at them.<\/p>\n \u2018We\u2019ll never be let in here again.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel looks at her.<\/p>\n \u2018Unlikely,\u2019 she scoffs.<\/p>\n Sen\u00e1n shrugs: \u2018They\u2019ve started cleaning the front bar, so we thought we\u2019d hide in here to do a bit.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018A lot.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018A lot of a bit.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Of a bit of a lot.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla is visibly pissed off. \u2018Drinking up time\u2019s almost over. Come on, let\u2019s go.\u2019 Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018But we can\u2019t remember who\u2019s winning.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla, half to herself:<\/p>\n \u2018Time. Time is always fucking winning.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla pulls them both out of the storeroom and hands them a mini-joint from the inner lining of her handbag.<\/p>\n \u2018Here, get started on some of this, then we\u2019ll go. Absolute state of youse two.\u2019<\/p>\n She\u2019s that kind of angry-sad where you don\u2019t know if someone is fuming or near devastated. Sen\u00e1n: \u2018She\u2019s getting very judgemental in her old age.\u2019 Rachel shakes her head, \u2018Very very judgemental.\u2019 \u00d3rla spits at her cousin:<\/p>\n \u2018Inhale. You look a bit shook.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Trying to be funny there cos I said that to her earlier.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Funny,\u2019 Rachel snickers.<\/p>\n \u2018Funny,\u2019 Sen\u00e1n smirks.<\/p>\n \u2018Funny,\u2019 \u00d3rla tuts.<\/p>\n \u2018Where are we heading to after?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019d say that\u2019s getting decided now. Will you go check?\u2019 \u00d3rla asks Sen\u00e1n. Sen\u00e1n:<\/p>\n \u2018Did you sort it out? Is the row over?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It is what it is.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018\u00d3rla, look, I\u2019ll say this to you because we\u2019re family and please, I\u2019m being dead serious now, so don\u2019t get me wrong; it\u2019s not just because he\u2019s English. And I mean that. I really do. But, \u00d3rla, he is dry as shite.\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel raises her right hand and Sen\u00e1n gives her a high five, then he walks off.<\/p>\n \u00d3rla:<\/p>\n \u2018Rachel, can we please go?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Where?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Anywhere, let\u2019s go.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018And Barry, and Mark?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018They made their way here easy enough, am sure they\u2019ll find their way back.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018What if they don\u2019t?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018They\u2019ll find a sofa, you know what Barry\u2019s like, they\u2019ll be grand. I want to be where you are.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s that simple?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Please.\u2019<\/p>\n ‘You don’t want to go back out there?’<\/p>\n ‘Yes. No.’<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n After getting let out the front way, where Rachel buys a selection of miniatures from behind the bar and puts them into \u00d3rla\u2019s bag, they start making their way home across the beach. Rachel takes the small bottles of spirits out one at a time, slipping them between their mouths, taking a swig each; blowing hot alcohol breath onto their hands, their ears, their necks, their mouths, stooping to kiss at the end of each taste, hands in hair, hands in pants; their hands in and out of everywhere, touching, pressing, kneading, feeling for some recourse, and stooping and stopping now and again to drink and kiss, and pushing and straining and stooping and stopping to hold each other up.<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n Rachel takes the double duvet off the single bed and spreads it on the floor, places pillows on top, and scatters throws and blankets. \u00d3rla takes off Rachel\u2019s tights and shirt she\u2019s been wearing and burrows underneath, lies there fiddling with the hoop earrings trying to undo them without lifting her head. Rachel slides in next to her.<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m too cold.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla hooks the earrings together and passes them behind her onto the dresser.<\/p>\n \u2018You\u2019re coming down.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I think I\u2019m just cold.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Okay.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla nests Rachel into her and pulls another blanket over them. Kisses the parting of her hair. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018Why are you with him?\u2019<\/p>\n [inaudible]<\/p>\n \u2018Why?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I don\u2019t not like him.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You don\u2019t adore him.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ve never got that whole girls fawning over their boyfriend thing.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018He\u2019s no match for you.\u2019<\/p>\n [quiet]<\/p>\n \u2018I know.\u2019<\/p>\n [pause]<\/p>\n \u2018So why then?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I mostly like having sex with him.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Mostly\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel laughs into \u00d3rla\u2019s chest.<\/p>\n [silence]<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ll tell you this okay\u2026 it\u2019s the longest time I\u2019m not judging him\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Explain.\u2019<\/p>\n [quiet]<\/p>\n \u2018Why did he say that? Why did he stand there in that way? Why did he wear those clothes together? Why did he make that unattractive face? Why does he talk down to people? Why does he take up so much space? Why doesn\u2019t he take better care of his skin? Why is he so often so near, clingy? Why is he so mean sometimes?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Some list.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla rubs both her hands up and down her face: \u2018Because I\u2019m not a good person?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You are my very best person.\u2019 Rachel smiles.<\/p>\n \u2018I don\u2019t not like having sex with him, I feel I should make that clear.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Clear as mud.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I mostly like it, or I like most of it, I dunno.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Which bits don\u2019t you like?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Right, he, he never asks can he come in my mouth. He just does it.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018How unmannerly.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Hah\u2026 And you know when you move, expecting, indicating to the other person how they should move, he doesn\u2019t pick up on that.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Not everyone\u2019s really themselves in the moment, petal. It\u2019s a kind of selfishness in bed a lot of fellas can have,\u2019 \u00d3rla moves closer to her. Rachel:<\/p>\n \u2018Well you should know, you\u2019ve done a thorough survey.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Feck off.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You have though, like, you\u2019re well known; sometimes I think you\u2019re just trying them on for size.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yeah, maybe, you have a point. Yeah.\u2019 \u00d3rla looks up at the ceiling.<\/p>\n \u2018Are you going to break up?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ll, sorry but, I\u2019ll have to talk to him about it.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Okay\u2026 and \u00d3rla, you don\u2019t have to do things in bed with men you don\u2019t like. Tell them when you don\u2019t like it.\u2019 [quiet]<\/p>\n \u2018How? Oh like you know those hundred times you came in my mouth, well I\u2019d prefer you\u2019d asked me first, yeah I only told you this now to make you feel tiny and like you\u2019re a horrible person. Will we go the pictures tonight?\u2019 \u00d3rla claps her hands together.<\/p>\n \u2018Very droll. I imagine, with my extremely limited experience of men, you\u2019d have to start as you mean to go on.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yeah.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yeah.\u2019 \u2018I always missed the breasts, and penises are manky ugly.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla laughs: \u2018They really are.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Erect they\u2019re so angry looking, and dumb.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018They are really dumb. Simplistic.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ve never got wet thinking of a penis.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla laughs again. Thinks on it, then says: \u2018I have seen some remarkable ones. I\u2019d go them again.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Okay.\u2019<\/p>\n [quiet]<\/p>\n \u2018Rachel, do you still be with girls in Maynooth?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It\u2019s harder cos I\u2019m staff now. But yes, I do.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Jesus, you\u2019re not getting off with young ones, are you?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ugh no. Women.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Are their fannies gorgeous and intelligent?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018All fannies are smart gorgeous.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018All?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018All.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Is mine the fairest in the land?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yours is just my favourite.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018That\u2019s nicer than it sounds.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I meant it to be nice.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018It is.\u2019<\/p>\n [quiet]<\/p>\n \u2018\u00d3rla, petal, I\u2019m pretty much done with here.\u2019<\/p>\n [inaudible]<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ve applied for some jobs, away.\u2019<\/p>\n [silence]<\/p>\n \u2018We could emigrate. Live together in Camden. Be a clich\u00e9.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I don\u2019t know yet what I want, Rachel.\u2019<\/p>\n [quiet]<\/p>\n \u2018I know.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You don\u2019t hate me?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Never. I could never hate you. Not for very long.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018That\u2019s nicer than it sounds.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I meant it to be nice.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I could never really be me without you.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I know, petal. Me too.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Me too.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Me too.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I love you.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Me too. Let\u2019s sleep now.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Sleep sounds nice.\u2019<\/p>\n Soon enough they sleep.<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n \u2018Your dad\u2019s car\u2019s not here.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018He\u2019s probably gone to nine o\u2019clock Mass\u2014if he wakes up early on a Sunday he goes again.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Jesus.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018\u2014is right.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ba boom cha. I made us tea and toast.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m fucking starving.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Coke\u2019ll do that to you.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Enough. I\u2019m not apologising.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Ah, I didn\u2019t mean it like that. I\u2019ll have to head home soon, poke my head in, with the cousin seeing me out there\u2019ll be ructions if I don\u2019t.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Be added to the parish bulletin this morning.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Yeah, that Ryan young one is a dirty stop-out.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Who isn\u2019t in this town.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You\u2019re really over it then? Here?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I just can\u2019t, like, keep working part-time cutting and pasting and answering the phone. I just can\u2019t.\u2019 \u2018What\u2019ll you do in London?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Anything but this.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018That is such an Irish sentiment.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018We all have our moments.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018When might you go?\u2019<\/p>\n Rachel screams into her pillow. \u00d3rla lets her scream, waits for her to finish, rolls her onto her back and slides down her, pushes up her T-shirt and starts taking off her knickers.<\/p>\n \u2018\u00d3rla.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Do you want me to stop?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Never, \u00d3rla, I never want you to stop.\u2019<\/p>\n \u00d3rla kisses Rachel along her hairline, the crease of her thigh, bites at the soft flesh, runs her fingers inside, teasing, tucks herself down further and exposes Rachel completely, looks at the pure exquisiteness of her, studies her folds, touches her skin, closes her eyes and breathes her in deep, opens her out with her tongue, eats her with her whole wet mouth, eats her and eats her and eats her, she macerates her, and she tastes so very, very good and right and beautiful. Their sex is beautiful.<\/p>\n *<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00d3rla stands on top of the stone wall on the coast road, heading home. The salt spray sands her face, granules rub at her skin. She can see an outline of another inlet quite a ways away. It\u2019s all part of this one long undulating curve that follows the flow of the island. Dribbles of blood sloping out to sea. \u00d3rla rocks back and forth. Willing the blood. Rocks back and forth. Hoping for the blood. Rocks back and forth. Waiting on the blood. Rocks back and forth. Tilting her uterus. Battened. Rocks back and forth. All those almost men who\u2019ve come inside her. Rocks back and forth, thinking: \u2018You\u2019re going to break your high heeled shoes.\u2019 Rocks back and forth. \u2018You\u2019re going to break your high-heeled shoes.\u2019 Rocks back and forth. \u2018You\u2019re going to break your high-heeled shoes.\u2019 Rocks back and forth. \u2018You\u2019re going to break your high-heeled shoes.\u2019 Rocks back and forth. \u2018You\u2019re going to break your high-heeled shoes.\u2019 Rocks back and forth. \u2018You\u2019re going to break your high-heeled shoes.\u2019 Like a country music song jammed on repeat.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
\nThrumming. Thrum thrum thrum-thrum-thrumming thrum-thrum-thrumming thrum-thrum-thrumming. Ramping up. Clenching muscles tight and then releasing. Breath. Start. Thrum thrum. Breath. Stop. Arms and shoulders and elbows. Breath. Start. Thrum thrum. Breath. Stop. Start. Thrumming. Dismembered limbs twitching. Breath. Start. Thrumming. Breath. Stop. Fingers and hands and wrists touching. Breath. Start. Thrum Thrumming. Breath. Stop. Muscled forwards. Breath. Start. Thrum thrum-thrum thrumming. Breath. Stopping.<\/p>\n
\n\u2018For you and Rachel.\u2019<\/p>\n
\n\u2018Just drink your pint, you\u2019ll be grand.\u2019<\/p>\n
\n\u2018For fuck\u2019s sake, Bar.\u2019<\/p>\n
\nBarry takes her by the waist, stretches his arm out, \u00d3rla clasps his hand and he dances her along the inner edge. They are standing at the cigarette machine next to the back door while the last few stragglers head outside to take part in the upcoming rounds of rebel songs.<\/p>\n
\nBarry takes her lit cigarette with a mile of ash balanced off its end, carefully, then flicks the underside of it with his middle finger. The ash falls onto the courtyard. \u2018You\u2019ll have to choose.\u2019<\/p>\n
\n\u00d3rla: \u2018You didn\u2019t like it then? The penis sex?\u2019<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/52021257483_1c33e866b5_z.jpg\")
<\/p>\n