{"id":1119,"date":"2007-04-18T10:06:38","date_gmt":"2007-04-18T10:06:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/excerpt-eee\/"},"modified":"2007-04-18T19:38:41","modified_gmt":"2007-04-18T19:38:41","slug":"excerpt-eee","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/excerpt-eee\/","title":{"rendered":"Excerpt: Eeeee Eee Eeee<\/em>"},"content":{"rendered":"

Andrew drives back to Domino’s.<\/p>\n

“Matt,” he says. “There’s a dolphin in the backseat. Can I go home?”<\/p>\n

“Let me put these pepperonis on,” Matt says. “Then I’ll cash you out.”<\/p>\n

After being paid sixty-cents gas money for each delivery Andrew has fourteen dollars.<\/p>\n

“Give half to the dolphin,” Matt says.<\/p>\n

They are in Matt’s office.<\/p>\n

“Okay,” Andrew says. “Wait. Why?”<\/p>\n

“Don’t ask questions,” Matt says. “I’m tired of your insubordination.”<\/p>\n

“Okay.”<\/p>\n

“Okay,” Matt says. “Open the door but don’t leave this office.”<\/p>\n

Andrew opens the door.<\/p>\n

“Jeremy,” Matt shouts.<\/p>\n

Jeremy comes in the office.<\/p>\n

The office is small.<\/p>\n

It is a little crowded with three people.<\/p>\n

“Yeah?” Jeremy says.<\/p>\n

“Get everyone to come in here,” Matt says.<\/p>\n

Jeremy leaves.<\/p>\n

Andrew leaves.<\/p>\n

“Andrew,” Matt shouts.<\/p>\n

Andrew comes back.<\/p>\n

“The dolphin can wait,” Matt says.<\/p>\n

Jeremy comes back with everyone.<\/p>\n

They all go in Matt’s office.<\/p>\n

There is not enough space.<\/p>\n

Some people stand on Matt’s desk.<\/p>\n

Someone closes the door.<\/p>\n

It’s very crowded.<\/p>\n

Someone turns off the light.<\/p>\n

The only window is blocked by someone’s body.<\/p>\n

Andrew can’t see anything or move.<\/p>\n

It’s very hot and dark.<\/p>\n

“Whoever just elbowed my face,” Matt says. “You’re fired.”<\/p>\n

“Whoever did it,” someone says in an affected voice, “just don’t say anything.”<\/p>\n

“But move away from Matt,” says a different voice. “When the lights go on. So he won’t see. If we ever leave, I mean.”<\/p>\n

“This is Matt and I’s office,” Jeremy says. “Everyone calls it ‘Matt’s office.’ It’s both of ours.”<\/p>\n

“The sad manager,” Andrew says.<\/p>\n

“Andrew?” Jeremy says.<\/p>\n

“I’m scared,” someone says.<\/p>\n

“I’m bored,” Andrew says. “I’m sweating.”<\/p>\n

“Is Rachel here?” someone else says.<\/p>\n

“No,” someone says.<\/p>\n

Half a minute passes.<\/p>\n

“What were you going to say about me?” Rachel says.<\/p>\n

“I don’t know,” someone says.<\/p>\n

“I’m confused,” someone says.<\/p>\n

“Someone open the door,” Matt says.<\/p>\n

Someone opens the door.<\/p>\n

“Now what,” someone says.<\/p>\n

“I don’t know,” someone else says.<\/p>\n

“Andrew,” Jeremy says.<\/p>\n

“Everyone should go back to work,” Matt says.<\/p>\n

“Are you sure?” someone says. “Maybe we should go back to something else. I don’t know–just something else.” <\/p>\n

But everyone has already gone back to work.<\/p>\n

Andrew is at his car.<\/p>\n

He gives the dolphin seven dollars.<\/p>\n

The dolphin goes, “EEEEE EEE EEEE.”<\/p>\n

Andrew drives toward his house.<\/p>\n

At the first stoplight the dolphin says, “Drop me off at Kmart.”<\/p>\n

“What Kmart? Where’s a Kmart?”<\/p>\n

“By the diamond store,” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

“That’s Target.”<\/p>\n

“Drop me off at Target,” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

“That’s far.” <\/p>\n

“So?” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

“Are you buying drugs?”<\/p>\n

“Why did you ask me if I’m buying drugs?” the dolphin says. “You’re stupid.”<\/p>\n

Andrew drives to Target, parks, gets out of the car.<\/p>\n

“You don’t have to walk me in,” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

“I need toilet paper,” Andrew says.<\/p>\n

The dolphin walks faster than Andrew, then slows a little.<\/p>\n

Andrew walks in a different direction a little.<\/p>\n

The dolphin sees and walks in an angle away from Andrew. <\/p>\n

When they get to the entrance they get there together.<\/p>\n

“Don’t be stupid and awkward,” the dolphin says. “You want to walk together or not?”<\/p>\n

“Fine,” Andrew says. “Wait. Are you going to\u2026”<\/p>\n

The dolphin stares at Andrew. “Forget it,” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

“No, wait,” Andrew says. “What are you buying?”<\/p>\n

“Get away from me,” the dolphin says. “You were going to say if I was going to go ‘Eeeee eee eeee.’ You are a stupid piece of shit. Go away from me.” The dolphin looks at Andrew.<\/p>\n

“Wait,” Andrew says. <\/p>\n

The dolphin goes into the center of a circular clothing rack and quietly cries.<\/p>\n

Andrew looks around.<\/p>\n

He goes home.<\/p>\n

The dolphin cries a while then buys a steak knife.<\/p>\n

The dolphin goes home.<\/p>\n

It looks in the mirror.<\/p>\n

It puts the tip of the steak knife perpendicular to its neck and grips the handle hard.<\/p>\n

It stares in the mirror.<\/p>\n

It puts on a jacket, takes a plane to Hollywood, and finds Elijah Wood.<\/p>\n

“Come somewhere with me,” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

“Can I get a river ride?” Elijah says.<\/p>\n

“Hold onto my flippers.”<\/p>\n

Elijah climbs the dolphin’s back.<\/p>\n

“You are fucking stupid. Hold on when we get to the river,” the dolphin says. “Not in the fucking parking lot.”<\/p>\n

Elijah laughs.<\/p>\n

“You are an idiot,” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

They take Elijah’s car to the ocean.<\/p>\n

On the beach the dolphin lies in the water.<\/p>\n

Elijah climbs on the dolphin.<\/p>\n

The dolphin swims.<\/p>\n

“Yeah!” Elijah says.<\/p>\n

The dolphin swims to an island.<\/p>\n

“I need to get something,” the dolphin says.<\/p>\n

The dolphin leaves and returns with a heavy branch behind its back.<\/p>\n

“You know The Ice Storm?” Elijah Wood says. “At the end of the book the guy sees a superhero or something. That was strange. They didn’t have it in the movie. Christina Ricci was in the movie.”<\/p>\n

The dolphin clubs Elijah Wood’s head.<\/p>\n

Elijah Wood runs away and falls.<\/p>\n

The dolphin clubs Elijah’s body and legs.<\/p>\n

Elijah screams. <\/p>\n

This is an excerpt from<\/em> Eeeee Eee Eeee<\/a>, which will be published simultaneously with Tao’s story-collection,<\/em> Bed<\/a>, in May by Melville House.<\/em><\/p>\n

tao.jpg
\nABOUT THE AUTHOR<\/strong>
\nTao Lin<\/a> is the author of a novel, EEEEE EEE EEEE<\/a>, and a story-collection, BED<\/a>, that will be published simultaneously in May, 2007 by Melville House. Tao is also the author of a poetry collection, YOU ARE A LITTLE BIT HAPPIER THAN I AM<\/a>, and has been published in Noon<\/em>, Nerve<\/em>, the Mississippi Review<\/em>, the Cincinnati Review<\/em>, Other Voices<\/em>, Fourteen Hills<\/em>, Punk Planet<\/em>, Harper’s<\/em>, and Juked<\/em>. He is Poetry Editor of 3:AM<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

“Tao Lin writes from moods that less radical writers would let pass — from laziness, from vacancy, from boredom. And it turns out that his report from these places is moving and necessary, not to mention frequently hilarious.”<\/em> – Miranda July<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"tao.jpg\"“Whoever just elbowed my face,” Matt says. “You’re fired.”
\n“Whoever did it,” someone says in an affected voice, “just don’t say anything.”
\n“But move away from Matt,” says a different voice. “When the lights go on. So he won’t see. If we ever leave, I mean.”<\/p>\n

\nRead an excerpt from Tao Lin<\/b>‘s E.E.E.<\/i> here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":119,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1119","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/119"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1119"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1119\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1119"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1119"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1119"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}