{"id":2038,"date":"2007-08-26T20:39:06","date_gmt":"2007-08-26T20:39:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/what-some-of-them-were-wearing\/"},"modified":"2007-08-27T14:15:52","modified_gmt":"2007-08-27T14:15:52","slug":"what-some-of-them-were-wearing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/what-some-of-them-were-wearing\/","title":{"rendered":"What Some of Them Were Wearing"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Andrei Codrescu.<\/p>\n

Mary’s Indian pants had pockets I put my hands in to guide her body for the pinball lesson, only the pockets had no bottoms so my hands ended up between her legs joined in prayer. Karen was on her day off from the hospital where she nursed and was shopping in a boutique on Grant Street for a dress when I saw her through the window, walked in, picked up a dress and said, \u201cThis is for you,” and helped her try it on, and then we made love in the dressing room turned as much as possible toward what we hoped was a camera. I got picked up hitchhiking on Highway One to Sonoma by a woman in a miniskirt who said after we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge, \u201cDo you mind if I masturbate?” and I said, \u201cNot at all,” and I watched her do that almost to Petaluma on the outskirts of which she came, so I asked her if I could have a souvenir, if perhaps she might consider passing my bandanna between her legs and imbuing it with her moisture, and she screamed, \u201cWhat kind of pervert are you? Get out of my car right now!” so I did, bandanna still around my sweat-beaded forehead. I kept looking at Sally’s platform sandals while I was fucking her on the mattress on the floor of her Berkeley apartment when a roach crawled next to the heel of one of them so I picked it up while coming up on the thrust and lowered it on the bug on the way back in and Sally said, \u201cNot so hard!” After I got coffee at the Hyatt restaurant in Indianapolis I reached in my pocket for my wallet and pulled out Jane’s brassiere just as the waitress with the tall coif was poised to pour more coffee into my cup, so I said, \u201cI traded my wallet for this?” Erika was wearing only her red pumps when there was a knock at the hotel door so I opened it and let in a very pretty school teacher dressed in a business suit who wanted to know if I was ready for my speech at the Education Conference I was the keynote for, and I said, \u201cCome in, I’m not quite ready yet, this is Erika,” and they both shook hands without a trace of awkwardness. Henriette was sprawled on Dwight Kensington’s white leather couch in the morning with one foot on a pile of her clothes and I was sleeping on the floor when the door opened and Dwight stood there with a young woman, both of them clad in mountaineering clothes with ropes and axes tied to their belts, and Henriette opened her eyes and said, \u201cWho the fuck is that?” so I introduced Dwight, and Henriette stood up and shook hands with both of them and I shook hands with the woman, Dwight’s cousin as it turned out. Morena climbed a short tree in a park near Rheinbeck, New York, and then hung upside down from a branch so that her plaid high-school dress rode up and I was staring at the crotch just barely covered by a black thong which I kissed immediately. Laura and I made love on the golf course outside New Orleans and the cops shined their lights on us from the road so I put her panties in my pocket and we put the rest of our clothes on very quickly and then said good evening to the officers who asked to see ID, which I showed them but not before pulling the panties from my pocket, but they pretended not to notice.<\/p>\n

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
\nAndrei Codrescu<\/a><\/strong> is a novelist, poet, essayist and National Public Radio<\/a> commentator. He writes regularly for NPR and for the Gambit Weekly in New Orleans. He is the editor of Exquisite Corpse: a Journal of Letters and Life<\/a>,<\/em> and is a professor of English at Louisiana State University. Andrei’s most recently released book is New Orleans, Mon Amour<\/a>.<\/em> Read more from Andrei here<\/a> and here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"andreistairs.jpg\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"andreistairs.jpg\"I got picked up hitchhiking on Highway One to Sonoma by a woman in a miniskirt who said after we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge, \u201cDo you mind if I masturbate?\u201d\u009d and I said, \u201cNot at all,\u201d\u009d and I watched her do that almost to Petaluma on the outskirts of which she came, so I asked her if I could have a souvenir, if perhaps she might consider passing my bandanna between her legs and imbuing it with her moisture, and she screamed, \u201cWhat kind of pervert are you? Get out of my car right now!\u201d\u009d so I did, bandanna still around my sweat-beaded forehead.<\/p>\n

\nBy Andrei Codrescu<\/b>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":119,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2038","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-flash-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2038","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/119"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2038"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2038\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2038"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2038"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2038"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}