{"id":331,"date":"2006-10-13T07:24:00","date_gmt":"2006-10-13T07:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/walking-the-cow-poems-by-mike-topp\/"},"modified":"2007-01-24T22:48:25","modified_gmt":"2007-01-24T22:48:25","slug":"walking-the-cow-poems-by-mike-topp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/walking-the-cow-poems-by-mike-topp\/","title":{"rendered":"Walking The Cow"},"content":{"rendered":"

An Exercise<\/p>\n

1. Imagine you are interviewing a whale.<\/p>\n

(Think of three questions you would like to ask a whale.)<\/p>\n

Quotation<\/p>\n

“London is like New York City without tears.”
\n– John Ashbery<\/p>\n

Quotation<\/p>\n

“It’s crazy how clean Scandinavia is. You can lean anywhere.”
\n– Josephine Baker<\/p>\n

Free Advice<\/p>\n

Here’s some free advice
\nfor new fathers:<\/p>\n

Never eat a diaper,
\neven if you’re starving.<\/p>\n

Universal Truth<\/p>\n

We are all
\npornographers.<\/p>\n

Waffle House<\/p>\n

My friend from Waffle House says if you stacked all of the sausage patties they serve in one day, it would reach the top of the Empire State Building. I say, why bother?<\/p>\n

Seattle<\/p>\n

Hey, look! It’s raining!<\/p>\n

Equestrian Poem<\/p>\n

As I lean back in the saddle,
\nthe horse farts like a hurricane.<\/p>\n

Quotation<\/p>\n

“Although our information is incorrect, we do not guarantee it.”
\n– Erik Satie<\/p>\n

Quotation<\/p>\n

“In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.”
\n– Andy Warhol<\/p>\n

Quotation<\/p>\n

“As Andy Warhol said: In the future everyone will be famous for ten minutes.”
\n– Geraldo Rivera<\/p>\n

Fax<\/p>\n

She
\nfaxed me
\none dollar.<\/p>\n

Theory<\/p>\n

Theoretically if you take all the blood vessels out of your body and laid them end to end you would die.<\/p>\n

Pleasurable<\/p>\n

How pleasurable
\nit is to
\nhave two moustaches.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>ABOUT THE AUTHOR:<\/b>
\nMike Topp<\/strong><\/a>‘s work has appeared in McSweeney’s<\/strong><\/a>, Exquisite Corpse<\/strong><\/a>, and elsewhere. He is the author of Happy Ending<\/strong><\/a>, Where We Found You<\/strong><\/a>, I Used To Be Ashamed of My Striped Face<\/strong><\/a> and other books.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s some free advice \/ for new fathers: \/ Never eat a diaper, \/ even if you’re starving.<\/p>\n

Poems by Mike Topp<\/b>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":119,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/119"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=331"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/331\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}