{"id":3400,"date":"2008-09-04T22:17:28","date_gmt":"2008-09-04T22:17:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/japanese-children-with-digital-cameras-in-a-field\/"},"modified":"2008-09-05T21:12:54","modified_gmt":"2008-09-05T21:12:54","slug":"japanese-children-with-digital-cameras-in-a-field","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/japanese-children-with-digital-cameras-in-a-field\/","title":{"rendered":"Japanese Children with Digital Cameras in a Field"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Tao Lin and Ellen Kennedy.<\/p>\n

1. <\/p>\n

In 1956 the Japanese government create an organization to study ‘Japanese children with digital cameras in a field.’ <\/p>\n

Five Japanese men are recruited from the top universities in Japan for the organization. <\/p>\n

The organization is code-named ‘Italia.’ <\/p>\n

The five men are code-named ‘Gigantor,’ ‘Mimi,’ ‘Lulu,’ ‘Energy Man,’ and ‘Taiwan.’ <\/p>\n

They meet in a secret underground studio apartment. <\/p>\n

The studio apartment has a refrigerator with two hundred energy drinks in it, a playpen <\/p>\n

with sixteen Japanese babies in it, and five supercomputers with five rolling chairs in front of them. <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor,’ ‘Mimi,’ ‘Lulu,’ ‘Energy Man,’ and ‘Taiwan’ sit at the five supercomputers <\/p>\n

typing with their right hands while holding energy drinks with their left hands<\/p>\n

which they had earlier calculated to be the most efficient way to conduct research. <\/p>\n

2. <\/p>\n

‘Energy Man’ can’t stop grinning. <\/p>\n

He is thinking of his name. <\/p>\n

‘Energy Man.’ <\/p>\n

He thinks it is a sexy name. <\/p>\n

He looks over at ‘Lulu’ and grins. <\/p>\n

‘Lulu’ notices that he is looking at her and turns her head back towards her computer screen with indifference. <\/p>\n

‘Energy Man’ has been defeated. <\/p>\n

3. <\/p>\n

‘Lulu’ stands and walks to ‘Gigantor’ and drops a note in her lap. <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor’ reads the the note which says ‘meet me in the bathroom xoxo.’ <\/p>\n

‘Lulu’ and ‘Gigantor’ meet in the bathroom. <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor’ touches ‘Lulu’ in the crotch. <\/p>\n

‘Lulu’ says ‘that’s it; that’s right.’ <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor’ moves closer to ‘Lulu’ and they gyrate against one another while both saying ‘that’s it; that’s right.’ <\/p>\n

‘Lulu’ and ‘Gigantor’ are both female but dressed as males because they are feminists. <\/p>\n

‘Taiwan’ walks in the bathroom and sees ‘Lulu’ and ‘Gigantor’ saying in low, sexy voices ‘that’s it; that’s right’ while undulating against one another like giant sea anemone. <\/p>\n

4. <\/p>\n

‘Taiwan’ is a man dressed as a woman dressed as a man. <\/p>\n

He feels excited when he sees that ‘Lulu’ and ‘Gigantor’ are females. <\/p>\n

He takes off his clothes and is female. <\/p>\n

He takes off his clothes again is male. <\/p>\n

He looks at them and grins like they are all going to bond now. <\/p>\n

‘Lulu’ and ‘Gigantor’ just stare down at the ground. <\/p>\n

‘Taiwan’ gets dressed quickly and leaves. <\/p>\n

5. <\/p>\n

‘Taiwan’ goes to feed the sixteen Japanese babies in the playpen. <\/p>\n

He carries sixteen baby bento boxes and enters the playpen. <\/p>\n

The babies claw at ‘Taiwan’ and bite ‘Taiwan.’ <\/p>\n

‘Taiwan’ falls down and the babies begin to crawl over him. <\/p>\n

‘Taiwan’ screams. <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor,’ ‘Lulu,’ ‘Mimi,’ and ‘Energy Man’ are all in the restroom having a gay lesbian bisexual transvestite orgy. <\/p>\n

The babies are in a baby pile and then they crawl away in different directions. <\/p>\n

There is one adult Japanese skull. <\/p>\n

6. <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor,’ ‘Lulu,’ ‘Mimi,’ and ‘Energy Man’ return from their gay lesbian bisexual transvestite orgy. <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister of Japan is in their underground studio apartment. <\/p>\n

He tells them about the incident with ‘Taiwan.’ <\/p>\n

He looks at ‘Gigantor.’ <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor’ begins to sweat profusely and shakes and then yells ‘I’m not gay!’ <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor’ runs outside and then runs across the street while screaming in agony. <\/p>\n

‘Gigantor’ gets hit by a 2 foot by 1 foot electric-powered vehicle. <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister of Japan thinks of something professional to do. <\/p>\n

He clasps his hands together and says ‘okay!’ and then leaves. <\/p>\n

7. <\/p>\n

Ten years later ‘Lulu,’ ‘Mimi,’ ‘Energy Man’ and the sixteen babies are having a giant orgy in the glow of fluorescent purple lights. <\/p>\n

The underground studio apartment has fluorescent purple lights on the walls that say ‘sex lair.’ <\/p>\n

In his office The Prime Minister of Japan looks at his to-do list and sees ‘check progress of Japanese digital camera children field.’ <\/p>\n

He walks to his closet and sees eighteen lobstersuits. <\/p>\n

He puts on a green lobstersuit and makes poses in the wall mirror. <\/p>\n

He puts on a red lobstersuit and calls his secretary. <\/p>\n

He says to the secretary ‘watch this’ and crawls on the floor across his office while making lobster noises and pinching his claws in the air. <\/p>\n

8. <\/p>\n

He walks back to his mirror and grins at himself alone. <\/p>\n

He calls his secret service to bring a limo to the front of his office and escort him to it. <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister says ‘take me to Walmart.’ <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister thinks about stealing sixteen digital cameras by walking out with them in a lobstersuit. <\/p>\n

He walks into Walmart, smashes the glass case with the digital cameras in it, takes sixteen out, walks to the door, and walks back to the limo. <\/p>\n

No one sees anything. <\/p>\n

He thinks ‘victory in Japan.’ <\/p>\n

9. <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister looks at his to-do list and sees ‘check progress of Japanese digital camera children field.’ <\/p>\n

He draws a line over that and looks at the next item and sees ‘start new governmental organization.’ <\/p>\n

In his office The Prime Minister has an expression of intense concentration. <\/p>\n

After ten minutes The Prime Minister writes on a notepad ‘organization to help <\/p>\n

depressed Japanese businessmen commit suicide by going into a stadium where there is just one giant genetically-modified avocado continuously rolling around crushing people.’ <\/p>\n

He touches his crotch a little. <\/p>\n

A single tear comes out of his left eye and goes a down his cheek a little then stops. <\/p>\n

10. <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister opens up the left drawer of his desk. <\/p>\n

Inside is a handgun. <\/p>\n

He opens up the right drawer of his desk. <\/p>\n

Inside is a bottle of taurine dietary supplements and a regular Nintendo, Duck Hunt. <\/p>\n

He picks the right drawer. <\/p>\n

He plugs in the regular Nintendo, takes six taurine pills, and beats Duck Hunt in fifteen minutes. <\/p>\n

After the taurine-induced-Nintendo-rampage The Prime Minister feels empty. <\/p>\n

He throws the taurine pills against the wall and looks at the left drawer. <\/p>\n

11. <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister takes the handgun and tapes it to the side of his head so that it points forward by his eye. <\/p>\n

He opens another drawer and takes another handgun and tapes it to the other side of his head. <\/p>\n

The Prime Minister walks outside into his limo and says ‘drive to China.’ <\/p>\n

The limo driver drives to the ocean and then drives into the ocean. <\/p>\n

The limo drives on the bottom of the ocean for three miles and then drops into a 10,000 foot deep trench in the Okhotsk Sea. <\/p>\n

Halfway down the limo hits a 2000 pound jewfish. <\/p>\n

The jewfish turns upside-down and slowly floats to the top of the Okhotsk Sea. <\/p>\n

12. <\/p>\n

The jewfish floats to the shore of the Okhotsk Sea. <\/p>\n

A small arm holding a digital camera punches through the belly of the jewfish. <\/p>\n

The belly splits open and a small Japanese boy holding a digital camera climbs out. <\/p>\n

Another small Japanese boy climbs out. <\/p>\n

Fifty Japanese children holding digital cameras climb out of the jewfish. <\/p>\n

The Japanese children walk across the beach and into a field. <\/p>\n

Fifty Japanese children holding digital cameras are standing in a field. <\/p>\n

13. <\/p>\n

Thirty minutes later fifty Japanese children holding digital cameras are having an orgy in a field. <\/p>\n

After ten minutes a Japanese child leaves the orgy and walks fifteen feet away and takes a digital photograph of the orgy and re-enters the orgy. <\/p>\n

After one hour it is night and the field is dark. <\/p>\n

A Japanese child leaves the orgy and walks fifteen feet away from the orgy and takes a digital photograph of the orgy with flash. <\/p>\n

The Japanese children leave the orgy in steady and continuous rotation to take flash photography so that the orgy is always bright. <\/p>\n

There is a bright pile of Japanese children orgy in a field.<\/p>\n

ABOUT THE AUTHORS
\nTao Lin and Ellen Kennedy<\/strong> are the proprietors of Ass Hi Books<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"ellenkennedy.jpg\"Ten years later ‘Lulu,’ ‘Mimi,’ ‘Energy Man’ and the sixteen babies are having a giant orgy in the glow of fluorescent purple lights. <\/p>\n

The underground studio apartment has fluorescent purple lights on the walls that say ‘sex lair.’ <\/p>\n

In his office The Prime Minister of Japan looks at his to-do list and sees ‘check progress of Japanese digital camera children field.’<\/p>\n

\nBy Tao Lin<\/b> and Ellen Kennedy<\/b>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":119,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3400","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/119"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3400"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3400\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}