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<\/p>\nA novel by EJ Spode.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Chapter 16: The Rocket Sisters<\/p>\n
\u201cDude, did you hear me? What are the rocket sisters?”<\/p>\n
\u201cYou’ll see.”<\/p>\n
\u201cTheir name is Rocket?”<\/p>\n
\u201cFuck yeah it is.”<\/p>\n
\u201cBullshit.”<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it is.”<\/p>\n
\u201cTheir last name is rocket\u2026”<\/p>\n
\u201cYup.”<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me guess, one of them is named Booster.”<\/p>\n
Climax didn’t get the joke. \u201cNo they are sisters, and their names are Juno, Saturnia, and Titania.”<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you fucking with me?”<\/p>\n
\u201cDude I didn’t name them.”<\/p>\n
\u201cThey are all named after rockets.”<\/p>\n
\u201cThey are?”<\/p>\n
\u201cYep. A Juno rocket launched the first US satellite into space. Titan is a warhead launcher. And Saturn V was the Apollo program rocket.”<\/p>\n
\u201cHuh.”<\/p>\n
\u201cThat’s fucked up.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, whatever, don’t you remember these girls from high school?<\/p>\n
\u201cNo.”<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you not remember them?”<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you even know them?”<\/p>\n
\u201cI took Home Economics with Juno.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYou took Home Economics.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, with Juno.”<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen was that?”<\/p>\n
\u201cI dunno, sophomore year maybe?”<\/p>\n
\u201cThat’s fucked up.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah probably. Anyway, these girls are the best cooks in Minnehaha County. They win all the 4H food contests, you know, best pies, best cookies, best hotdish\u2026”<\/p>\n
\u201cThey give a prize for best hotdish?”<\/p>\n
\u201cSure, I dunno, why not?”<\/p>\n
\u201cIt’s fucked up. Prizes for best hotdish. What’s next, a prize for the best spaghetti?”<\/p>\n
\u201cHuh, I see what you mean.”<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you know that in New York they don’t call it hotdish?”<\/p>\n
\u201cThe fuck? What do they call it?”<\/p>\n
\u201cI dunno, casserole or something.”<\/p>\n
Climax stared at me like I was from Mars. \u201cAre you telling me that when someone dies, and the neighbors bring over a tater tot hotdish they say \u2018so sorry for your loss, here is a tater tot casserole’?<\/p>\n
\u201cIt seems so.”<\/p>\n
\u201cThat’s fucked up.”<\/p>\n
\u201cGoddamn right it’s fucked up.”<\/p>\n
\u201cAnyway, what I’m saying is that these girls are really good cooks.”<\/p>\n
\u201cGood, cuz I’m fuckall hungry.”<\/p>\n
\u201cDamn right you are.”<\/p>\n
A couple miles down from the Larson house Climax had me take a left on a pitted-out gravel road. We followed it for another mile and then we turned onto a driveway that led to the Rocket house. From our conversation I had guessed that these girls were big, but I was really not prepared for their actual enormity. They were undeniably big, but they were also undeniably friendly. When we walked up to the front door I heard someone yell \u201cJohnny!” and then I saw what looked like a Hungry Hungry Hippo in a tight red cotton dress charging towards us with a giant smile. She gave Climax an appropriately giant hug that more or less swallowed him up whole. For a second I thought I had lost him in that sea of flesh. He emerged from the hug unscathed and seemingly in good spirits.<\/p>\n
\u201cJuno, this is my friend EJ.”<\/p>\n
Juno spread her wings, said \u201cEJ!!!” really enthusiastically and, again with a great big smile, swallowed me up in her epic hug. You might have thought I was her long lost relative, returned from war or perhaps the island of the damned. Still, I emerged from the experience feeling her strangely positive energy.<\/p>\n
Juno brought us inside and introduced us to Titania and Saturnia. Saturnia, the smallest of the three by a few pounds, offered us victuals. She too was wearing a dress, although it was some bluish color \u2013I want to say teal \u2013 with black polka dots. Titania was rocking a denim top over brown stretch pants. Saturnia offered us victuals. They all had curly blonde hair and had a passion for makeup that matched the color of their outfits.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan we get you boys anything? Are you hungry at all?”<\/p>\n
Climax didn’t miss a beat. \u201cFunny you should say that babe, because we have had a rough day so far and we are famished.”<\/p>\n
\u201cWell then you two sit down and tell us all about it while we make you a little lunch.”<\/p>\n
If you have ever read How to Talk Minnesotan, which is a book by those Prairie Home Companion people, you know that \u201ca little lunch” is a massive meal thrown together on the fly for no apparent reason when a couple carrot sticks and crackers might have been sufficient.<\/p>\n
The three girls flew around the kitchen in an intricate ballet that looked like it had been choreographed for the hippo ballerinas in Fantasia. It was impressive. Doors and cupboards open and closed and platters of foodstuffs began landing on the kitchen table. First it was a bowl of home cured olives, then a giant log of deer sausage, three kinds of home made bread, homemade jams, preserves and honey. Titania began battering walleye filets and frying them in a heavy iron skillet. Juno pulled a hotdish (casserole, whatever) from the freezer and popped it in the oven. Saturnia put some water in a giant pot and put it on the stove and then pulled out some spaghetti. While the water was heating she poured us some drinks from an antique pitcher.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy cute little boys, this is my super special mix of sweat tea, lemonade, and Everclear grain alcohol. I call it a \u2018Zombie Palmer’.”<\/p>\n
I made a mental note to add that one to my \u201cNew Drinks for Old Friends” book.<\/p>\n
Eventually the table was overflowing with food, and the Rocket girls joined us for what was maybe the funnest and most delicious meal I ever had. After several Zombie Palmers I worked up enough courage to ask them about their names.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you all named after rockets?”<\/p>\n
Juno fielded my question. \u201cHoney we aren’t named after rockets, we are named after Greek and Roman gods.”<\/p>\n
\u201cBut what about the Saturn V rocket\u2026”<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about it.”<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, that’s a rocket\u2026”<\/p>\n
\u201cok\u2026”<\/p>\n
\u201cWell\u2026 Saturn, Saturnia?”<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat is your point, sweetie?”<\/p>\n
\u201cWell Saturnia is from Saturn, and a Saturn V is a rocket.”<\/p>\n
\u201cThe gods came before the rockets, honey.”<\/p>\n
\u201cNo I know that; it’s just\u2026 nevermind.”<\/p>\n
Someone got the conversation off of rocket names and back onto something else \u2013 the newly discovered dinosaur I think — and eventually everyone was too full to eat another bite and I figured it was time to move on.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell I want to thank you lovely ladies for this sumptuous meal, but Johnny and I have to be moving on.”<\/p>\n
The girls were all like \u201cawwww do you have to?”<\/p>\n
And then Climax totally threw a curve at me. \u201cEJ I think I’m going to stay here and entertain the girls, you go on ahead without me.”<\/p>\n
Juno clapped her hands and said something like \u201cgood boy Johnny!”<\/p>\n
I was truly at a loss. \u201cUh, ok, cool, I guess, but um, Johnny can you come outside with me for a sec I have some business to discuss with you.”<\/p>\n
Climax and I threw on our coats and stepped outside.<\/p>\n
\u201cDude, what are you doing? How are you going to get home?”<\/p>\n
\u201cOh it’s cool, Juno can give me a ride tomorrow.”<\/p>\n
\u201cTomorrow.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah sure, why not.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYou are going to spend the night here.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah\u2026what’s your point, Judge.”<\/p>\n
\u201cStop calling me Judge. My point is what the fuck are you going to do here?”<\/p>\n
\u201cI dunno, bang some chicks?”<\/p>\n
\u201cBang some chicks\u2026. Wait, chicks plural?”<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah all of them probably.”<\/p>\n
\u201cDude, they are enormous.”<\/p>\n
\u201cEJ what is your fucking problem; they are fun girls. Let us have some fun.”<\/p>\n
\u201cI get why it will be fun for them but why is it fun for you?”<\/p>\n
Climax stared at me like I didn’t know about the birds and bees. \u201cDude, you like skinny ass bitches, some people like big girls, I like all girls. What’s the problem?”<\/p>\n
\u201cBut like, how do you even get it up?”<\/p>\n
\u201cDude, they’re beautiful women.”<\/p>\n
I dunno. In the abstract I know that Climax is in the right there, but still, what the fuck. It struck me as unnatural. On the other hand, ok, they had a right to sex like everyone else and Climax had a right to like whatever he liked. I guess.<\/p>\n
\u201cFine dude, I’m gonna go to The Stockman I guess.”<\/p>\n
\u201cSure thing bro, say hi to Penny.”<\/p>\n
I got in my car and once again pointed it towards Sioux Falls.<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/image-31-300x225.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
ABOUT THE AUTHOR<\/strong><\/p>\n EJ Spode abides<\/a>. 3:AM<\/em> are serializing his novel weekly<\/a>. Keep up.<\/p>\n Image: Jana Astanov<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Chapter 1:<\/strong> Giants in the Earth<\/a>: They are sisters, and their names are Juno, Saturnia, and Titania.\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you fucking with me?\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n \u201cDude I didn’t name them.\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n \u201cThey are all named after rockets.\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n \u201cThey are?\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n \u201cYep. A Juno rocket launched the first US satellite into space. Titan is a warhead launcher. And Saturn V was the Apollo program rocket.\u201d\u009d<\/p>\n Chapter 16 of EJ Spode<\/strong>‘s novel The Oddity<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":119,"featured_media":83013,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-84488","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84488","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/119"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=84488"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84488\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":84494,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84488\/revisions\/84494"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/83013"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=84488"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=84488"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.3ammagazine.com\/3am\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=84488"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nChapter 2:<\/strong> The Welcome Inn<\/a>:
\nChapter 3:<\/strong> Dimebag Bob’s<\/a>:
\nChapter 4:<\/strong> The Trojan Horse<\/a>:
\nChapter 5:<\/strong> The Turtle Diaries<\/a>:
\nChapter 6:<\/strong> The Cartagena Diaries<\/a>
\nChapter 7: Penny<\/a>
\nChapter 8: San Pedro<\/a>
\nChapter 9: Triggered<\/a>
\nChapter 10: Letters and Dreams<\/a>
\nChapter 11: Helena and Steady Eddie<\/a>
\nChapter 12: Circe<\/a>
\nChapter 13: Between a Rock and a Hard Place<\/a>
\nChapter 14: The Sleepover<\/a>
\nChapter 15: The Bittermilk Road<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"