By Christian TeBordo.
you saw the best minds of your generation explain how the metaphor of a zombie apocalypse evolved from generation to generation
sometimes the minds agreed and others they did not but
they never stopped explaining
you could say that the best minds of your generation were almost
zombielike in their singleminded pursuit of explanation except that the best minds of your generation all and always agreed on one thing they themselves could never be the zombies
the zombies were a metaphor they were a metaphor for something else something other than them and also you
when you listened to their explanations you were not one of the best minds of your generation you were listening rather than explaining after all but you were not far off you were pretty great an A-student you were a gifted kid all grown up ready and able to understand unlike some people you knew unlike your neighbor unlike most
but you are also off track you are distracted it is natural it happens left right back smell the breeze move forward
the best minds always went back before going forward another way they were a lot like you they said that zombie preceded apocalypse it was racial before it was racist before the racism got purified into communal effort but only by the very best people slow down listen
it was nothing
you saw the best minds of your generation explain that the zombie myth originated in haiti it was a warning against suicide
the slaves believed that if they killed themselves they would be trapped undead inside their own bodies for eternity the message was i know this is bad but stay alive
it is a good message for a bad time keep it in mind although the slaves did not as times got better
toussaint louverture led them to liberation but the zombie myth did not die it flourished in vodou spelled voodoo by the ignorant the unexplained-to the worst minds of your generation and there were so many of them they surrounded you look out fuck
nothing
the worst minds of your generation would say witch doctors reanimated the corpses of the dead but no they were boko also caplata check your misogyny
there are many metaphorical possibilities here but that is cultural appropriation or worse racist there were a couple of white zombies they had to be left alone leave the zombie alone now go forward to the zombie apocalypse
what’s that it is nothing.
the zombie apocalypse it is not appropriation of folkloric or syncretic religion or demonization of black haitians it is different from the zombie the best minds explain it is a western phenomenon it is where shit gets real metaphorically speaking
the zombie apocalypse starts with nazis and communists but it is barely apocalyptic
it really gets underway with civil rights and vietnam
then it is capitalism and consumerism and conformity until it is aids it is contagion in general it was a golden age of zombie apocalypse the best minds agreed
duck roll stand back up
of course the best minds did not believe in the zombie apocalypse it was a metaphor a series of metaphors
but why did the best minds devote so much attention to analyzing the many metaphorical zombie apocalypses
did you stop to consider that if they did not exactly believe in zombie apocalypse maybe they a little bit wanted to believe in it in zombie apocalypse
aids was not metaphorical contagion was not
but keep in mind this was back when you needed metaphors
look for signs look for symbols they said and you learned to look for signs and symbols you still do that to this day
this was a highpoint for the greatest minds you remember it fondly
get down get back up
but then a new group of best minds arrived the scientific ones
at first it seemed like confirmation of the superlativity of the best minds
the scientific ones were concerned with the same thing with the zombie apocalypse but no it was not a confirmation it was a challenge the new minds wanted to be best the greatest they said all your zombie apocalypse are belong to us
now we are getting some
where
the centers for disease control and prevention produced preparedness 101 zombie apocalypse alternatively zombie pandemic
the federal emergency management agency said prepare for zombie apocalypse it was a public service announcement they said it was impending
you noticed that there were not so many metaphors here but the old best minds did not push back the zombie apocalypse was a metaphor and the new best minds said prepare for it and the old best minds said you are right of course we believe in science in this house we believe in science
the old best minds made one last stand they produced one last metaphor
in the golden age of zombie apocalypse the zombies arrived en masse they were communist hordes they were conformists
now the zombies worked freelance and the humans could overcome them by working together it required a certain degree of conformity
it was still just a metaphor but they listened to the science they fucking loved science
they believed even harder in science when contagion arrived without zombies it was not a metaphor but also it sort of was
the contagion was real but the vectors of contagion were also metaphorical
a guy dressed as death stood on the beach and warned the beachgoers that they would die
show them your goddamned killface
the beachgoers mostly did not die and this presented a problem
the best minds had said that beachgoing was deadly even though science itself did not say that just the scientists they were the best minds
and then the beachgoers went to restaurants and not just the best minds but the science said they would die but they did not and you and others like you came together as a community and you did what you’d been taught you considered the signs and symbols
up up
the worst minds of your generation had different signs and symbols on their lawns than you did they wore different hats
down down
you and others like you put two and two together it did not equal four anymore it was 74 million give or take
some of the worst minds did a dawn of the dead at a different mall it was not metaphorical
left right
no brains got eaten but that was when you realized that they were supposed to be dead but were not it was no longer metaphorical they were zombies
you had been preparing for years for zombie apocalypse
you had not believed but you wanted to you wanted to so hard that you brought something to believe in into being
but your comrades could not see it they would not stand in solidarity they wanted to remain in metaphor
that was when you realized that you were ready to explain you were ready to be an explainer
left right
you were ready to be the best mind of your generation an explainer with a baseball bat
a
b
thump thump
as you stand over the little body of a zombie that looks for all the world like a human girl like your neighbor’s daughter actually you see metaphor made flesh
she was supposed to be dead years ago and now she is but you have millions more wrongs to right
whether you get out of this alive or dead you will have some explaining to do
start
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Christian TeBordo has published five novels and two collections of short fiction. His next book, Discord, A Regression, includes reissues of his first two novels along with a third called The Mammoth Arms, and is forthcoming from Long Day Press. He lives in Upstate New York.
