By Ulf Karl Olov Nilsson.
Buried Alive
My life was good but everything was ruined when I was buried alive.
I got up every morning, had breakfast and brushed my teeth but then I was buried alive.
I took the bus to work but then I was buried alive.
I played table tennis and football, I enjoyed biking and reading books and in the summers I was sunbathing, I cleaned my house and made nice dinners, I enjoyed a good night’s sleep but still I was buried alive.
My life was good, it was practical, I managed to avoid starving and poverty but I didn’t avoid being buried alive.
There was particularly one thing I wanted to avoid and that was to be buried alive.
I told my doctor not just to routinely feel the pulse and examine the pupils but to rigorously and seriously scrutinize that I was not alive or could become alive and that there was absolutely no risk that I would become buried alive.
I told my wife to wake by my corpse very, very long to ensure herself that I could not wake up in the coffin and discover that I was buried alive.
But in spite all my efforts I was buried alive.
Most of my life was quite good but not the end.
I managed to avoid robbery, murder and assault, I avoided torture, the electric chair, arcebusation and smashed kneecaps but eventually I was buried alive.
I avoided prison but I was buried alive.
I avoided war but I did not avoid being buried alive.
The only thing I wanted to avoid was to wake up six feet under the ground and discover that I was not a corpse but buried alive.
I am lying here thinking about my life while buried alive.
I Grow
In the beginning I grow very fast, as a newborn I am 51 centimeter, then I become 52, then 53, 54, 55 and 56 centimeters. On my first birthday I measure 63, when I am two I have reached 90 and when I am three years and 244 days I cross the limit of one meter. Between four and five I grow 7 centimeters and the following years 6, 6, 5, 4, 6, 3 and 4. At 13 I am 159 centimeters, the year after I have grown radically and suddenly I measure 167. The results of the next years is an even bigger increase and I am now 179. The next year I grow 3 centimeters, the following 2 and then 2 again. Then the growing remarkably slows down and I become only half a centimeter taller. Between 35 and 38, according to my measures, nothing happens at all. But my 38th year suprisingly shows an increase of 8 millimeters. In my 39th year I shrink 3 millimeters. In my 40th I shrink 2. The following years I shrink 2, 2, 1, and 1 millimeter respectively. 45 years old I enter a new phase and shrink (probably as a consequence of a severe and tiresome disease) 6 centimeters and the year to come somewhat more and I am measuring 183 centimeters in my stockings. Between 47 and 55 I start growing again, on average half a millimeter per year. 55 years old I make a big leap towards the sky and grow 14 centimeters, my 56th year shows almost the same increase and 57 year old I measure 219 centimeters. The follwing years I shrink 15, 12, 12, 18 and 22 centimeters respectively. And on the day of my retirement, 65 years old, I measure only 85 centimeters. Two years later I have become 31 centimeter shorter and I match the length I had as a newborn. The following years my length is divided in two and at 70 I am only 25 centimeters tall. At 72 I have lost 24 more and during a rainy summer my length is only half a centimeter but then – finally – I start growing again and my length is doubled five times in two years. So at 76 I measure 2, 5 centimeters but the next year becomes radically different and I grow 3000%, that is 1 meter and 11 centimeter. The next year I triple my length and at 84 I measure 3 meters and 91 centimeters. The next year I disappear completely but the following I grow 34 meters. But the next I shrink 45 and during a gruesome Easter holiday I measure a terrifying minus 11 meters. Luckily I catch up quickly and I end my days, 88 years old, at my ideal length, 24 centimeters, that is the distance between the nipples of my mother.
The Father
What did the father leave behind? Nothing.
What did the father say? What did he want? Nothing.
What was the father interested in? Nothing.
What was the father doing? Nothing.
What was he hoping for? What did he long for? What did he think about the child? Nothing.
What did he want for his birthday? How much money did he earn? How much had he saved? Nothing.
What did the father want to achieve? What did he strive for? Nothing.
What had the father bought for christmas present? Nothing.
What did he do for a living? Nothing. He just died.
How much did the father know about space? How much did he know about the Second World War? How much did he know about cooking and gardening? Nothing.
What did he know about cars and boats? What did he know about women? What did he know about fishing and hunting? What did he know about religion? Nothing.
What was the father quoting from the Bible every Christmas Day? Nothing.
What did he say in his wedding speech? Nothing.
What was revealed in the father’s will? Nothing.
How much did the father love the mother? How much did the mother love the father? Nothing.
How much did they hate each other? Nothing.
What did the word moral mean to the father? Nothing.
What did the words responsibility, care? What meant humour and upbringing, what did the word lack mean? Nothing.
What was the total sum of the father’s efforts? Nothing.
How much did the father worry when the child was sick? Nothing.
How much did the father say about his own father? Nothing. He died. He just died.
How much did the father long for the child? Nothing. He died.
What did the father say the second before he died?
Translated into English by UKON.
Titled
I would rather be happy than sad.
I’d rather have a common cold than lung cancer.
I’d rather not feel lonesome and deserted.
I’d rather feel full than hungry.
It’s better to be well than to be ill.
It’s better to have two hands and two legs than not to have them.
It’s better to have a job than not to have one.
It’s better to be rich than poor.
It’s better to be young than old.
It’s better to kill than to be killed.
It’s better to be alive than not.
It’s better to be smart than stupid.
It’s better to have a career than not to have one.
I don’t want to be assaulted and raped.
I’d rather not become an alcoholic.
I’d prefer not to become physically handicapped.
I want my relations with other people to mean something.
It’s better to be able to cope with things than not.
It’s better to be a man than a woman.
It’s better to be tall than short.
It’s better to be liked than not.
Those who don’t want to have children are strange.
All those who fight and quarrel are disturbed.
It is better to have read the Divina Commedia than not to have read it.
It’s great to have traveled much and widely and to have seen the world.
I would prefer to enjoy life.
It’s better to have been born in Europe than in Africa.
Peace is better than war.
Democracy is better that dictatorship.
I don’t want to get strangled.
I don’t want to burn up.
I don’t want to drown.
I’d like to do something meaningful with my life.
It’s better to have done a lot than to have done little.
I’d like to get rid of my headache.
I’d rather be happy than unhappy.
Warm and sunny weather is better than cold and rainy weather.
Untitled
You think things are bad but it’s gonna get much worse.
You think you are intelligent but you’re not.
You think you are interesting but you are boring.
You think you are good looking but you are ugly.
You think you are nice but you are nasty.
You say you’re being bullied but you’re the one doing the bullying.
You think you can speak French but you can’t.
You think you are going to develop and improve but you are not learning anything.
You say you are in love but it doesn’t seem like it.
You think you are going to cheer up but the opposite will be the case.
You say you love your children but that’s bullshit.
You say you are going on holiday but your holidays are over.
You say you are threatened but you’re the one who is threatening.
You hope you will earn more money in the future but we all know very well how it’s gonna be with that.
You think nature is polluted but everything will only get shittier and shittier.
You think the world is unfair but that’s nothing compared to what lies ahead.
You think the hole in the ozone layer is big but it’s gonna get bigger.
You think you are a good poet but you are not.
You say you are horny but that’s just your imagination.
You think the weather is bad but it’s gonna get worse.
You think there’s a lot of terror and war but this is just the beginning.
You think you are not that fat but that’s just what you are.
You say you are happy but you don’t seem happy.
You think you are alive but you are dead.
You think people like you but they don’t.
You think you are appreciated at work but in fact you are totally worthless.
You say others are aggressive but you’re the aggressive one.
You think you are cool and crazy but in fact you are a fake.
You think you are learned and wise and write well but in fact you are completely uninteresting.
Translated into English by Fredrik Hertzberg, Karri Kokko, and Leevi Lehto
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ulf Karl Olov Nilsson a.k.a UKON, was born in 1965 in Umeå and works in Gothenburg as a poet and psychoanalyst. He is on the editorial board of the magazines Glänta, OEI and Arche.
His books include Kung-kung (1990, Symposion), Under det som inte förgÃ¥r (1992, Symposion), Vädrets hjärna (1994, Symposion), Sändning (1997, Symposion), NÃ¥gons stöd (1999, Symposion), Stammar (2002, Symposion), Familjeoxymoronen (2003, Oei-editör), Block (2005, with an afterword by Jonas (J) Magnusson, Symposion), Synopsis (2007 contains a CD with UKON and Njurmännen, Symposion), Kalender (2008, Sanatorium förlag), Och solen gÃ¥r upp och solen gÃ¥r ned (2008, Forlaget AttÃ¥t), Barndomstolen (2009, Norstedts), Hjälp, vem är jag? – utdrag frÃ¥n en terapi (in collaboration with Caroline af Ugglas, 2010, Piratförlaget), Standardmodellen (2010, CD, Kning disk, a collaboration with Njurmännen).
His translations include Jacques Roubaud – NÃ¥gonting svart (2008, with Jonas (J) Magnusson, Rámus förlag) and Charles Reznikoff – VittnesmÃ¥l: Amerikas Förenta Stater (1885 – 1915) (2009, Forlaget AttÃ¥t).
Photo copyright of Cecilia Grönberg.
