:: Article

I Will Video Myself Watching Myself Write This Poem

By Ofelia Hunt.

I did not shop on Black Friday

Because little boys would trample me

For VCRs at Best Buy

I would hamstring these boys

Then tear their throats out and scream

Until they became zombies

And lurched toward me

Through the strip-mall shopping center

I would scream and run very fast

And trip over somebody’s parents

And the zombies would slowly feast on my blood

I knew all this would happen

So I went to Denny’s with my boyfriend instead

For pancakes and coffee

And we saw Tom Cruise and his baby

And I stole his baby I told the baby

“You are important you are a terrorist

Because one baby is like any other baby

And baby terrorists are more effective

Than non-baby terrorists”

But the baby cried for a while

So we left it in a bed of lettuce at Safeway

And Tom Cruise became a zombie

And feasted on our blood

But I filmed him and black-mailed him

And now I’m on cable television

Ofelia Hunt
currently lives in Portland and Seattle. Poems available online at Apocryphal Text and Dusie. Fiction chapbook titled My eventual bloodless coup on Bear Parade. Read work in progress at Elephant seals negate the tactile universe.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Thursday, March 8th, 2007.