3:AM Magazine

By Brandon Scott Gorrell.

‘grizzly man’ directed by werner herzog

someone had said to me ‘werner herzog’ two or three times but i had never processed it as a name or even a word

just some sounds i thought were strange and knew were connected to the idea of film

eventually i understood that i should try to convert the sound to a name that i could understand and articulate but it felt impossible

‘werner herzog’

someone had said ‘werner herzog’ and i had reached a point where i was so biased by memories of previous confrontations with ‘werner herzog’ that i had ignored the sound

deciding before processing the entire sound that it would be another failure

not just another failure with ‘werner herzog’

but another failure in the achievement of my goals and i felt stupid and i hated myself and i think i experienced ‘sour grapes’

what prevented me from remembering ‘werner herzog’ as a collection of syllables that symbolized an object in physical reality was that i had never heard the name before and that the first three syllables sound the same

the syllables had gotten in the way of each other and replaced each other or the similarity among them had confused me a lot and had probably generated completely new syllables that had confused me more

probably there had also been other reasons that prevented me from remembering ‘werner herzog’

later when i could remember ‘werner herzog’ as a proper noun

could say it correctly

and had watched the films ‘lessons of darkness,’ ‘land of silence and darkness,’ and ‘signs of life’

i had used ‘werner herzog’ in several conversations and had recommended ‘werner herzog’ to several people

i had felt i could use the name honestly and with confidence

and my failure was over

i had felt like it was progressive

and then i had wanted to watch a lot of werner herzog films for the purpose of gaining ‘alternative perspective’ or ‘deeper insight’ or ‘more intelligence’

and then i watched ‘grizzly man’ by werner herzog

i liked the name of the main character

it was easy to remember

‘timothy treadwell’

T.T.

a man that experienced feelings of anger toward people because they didn’t share his goals

who experienced strong feelings of alienation from learning that the people who had ‘power’ didn’t share his goals

watching timothy treadwell made me think that feelings of alienation can come from realizing that hardly anyone you interact with or could potentially interact with will see your goals as ‘good’

so i achieved my goal of gaining ‘alternative perspective’ or ‘deeper insight’ or ‘higher intelligence’

timothy treadwell went, every summer, to live with bears and a fox in alaska or northern canada and he enjoyed this

i am unsure if living with the bears and foxes significantly decreased his feelings of anger and alienation

one time he set up his camera and yelled obscenities at the camera that were related to his co-workers and people that didn’t like bears

one time he became so angry and felt such a deep sense of despair that his obscenities didn’t form complete sentences or even sentence fragments or even words

and he ran away from the camera toward a tree or a lake

he got eaten by a bear

i didn’t see any ‘irony’ in this

it seemed logical

death seems logical to me

logical and sad

probably there was a blurb about ‘grizzly man’ that said ‘herzog presents a fantastic and disturbing irony’

i don’t think timothy treadwell wanted to get eaten by a bear

i think that if timothy treadwell wanted to continue pursuing his goals bringing a gun would have been the ‘right’ thing to do

maybe timothy treadwell was too concerned with ‘all-or-nothing thinking’ to bring a gun

the ending of the film made me feel sad

‘husbands and wives’ directed by woody allen

i had felt the ‘need’ to see ‘match point’ by woody allen for over two years

one time in a coffee shop my friend had said a sentence with the words ‘match point’ ‘ending’ and ‘so intense’ while appearing excited

one time in a giant white mall with my dad and his fiance i had said something about being anxious in a social situation and my dad had appeared excited and had said a sentence that included the words ‘you’ and ‘neurotic’ and the name ‘woody allen’

and i had expected what i would see and feel when i would watch a woody allen film

later a friend had told me that he liked woody allen

and then i had been in a video store

and then i had rented ‘husbands and wives’ by woody allen

and while watching it i was often ‘disturbed’ by woody allen’s skin tone

and three weeks after watching ‘husbands and wives’ i had looked at the cover of ‘annie hall’ and had again felt ‘disturbed’ by woody allen’s skin tone

and sometimes i didn’t process the dialog in ‘husbands and wives’ because i wondered if woody allen had kidney problems

i was surprised when, in ‘husbands and wives,’ the character played by woody allen said the name ‘yates’ in a sentence that included other people he considered ‘great writers’

i also felt a little smarter

at the beginning of the film the character played by woody allen is married and appears ‘satisfied’

at the end of the film the character played by woody allen is divorced and ‘not ready for another relationship’ and ‘tries’ to appear ‘satisfied’

at the end of the film the character played by woody allen regretted divorcing his wife and he regretted not pursuing an affair with one of his students but the character played by woody allen didn’t specifically say this

throughout the course of the film the character played by woody allen felt the same ratio of ‘good’ emotions to ‘bad’ emotions during and after marriage

only the emotions were of a different quality in each situation

i interpreted the character played by woody allen this way because i feel similarly

i experience the same frequency of ‘good’ emotions and ‘bad’ emotions both in and out of a ‘relationship’

and when i process this idea i think it would be ‘appropriate’ to subsequently feel horrible

and then i wonder why i don’t feel horrible or anything emotionally significant after processing this idea

after watching ‘husbands and wives’ i decided that in a ‘relationship’ woody allen and his friends feel ‘good’ emotions and ‘bad’ emotions and ‘relative’ comfort levels and they want something different and that out of a ‘relationship’ woody allen and his friends feel ‘good’ emotions and ‘bad’ emotions and ‘relative’ comfort levels and they want something different

and i don’t want to say that this idea ‘points’ to any ‘deeper,’ more ‘significant’ ‘theory’

saying that would generalize all thoughts processed by every person who has seen the film

which is impossible for me to do

and would decrease my credibility

if i want a puzzle with a concrete solution that’s impossible to generalize i will buy one at walgreen’s

*i recommend both of these movies

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Brandon Scott Gorrell has an e-book at Lamination Colony.

First published in 3:AM Magazine: Friday, March 28th, 2008.