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A.D. Winans

Visions of the past
floating like dead wood
through the river bank
of my head
Red lace panties and
white bra
lying on the floor
next to the bed
Drinking tequila with
glasses dipped in salt
as I slowly moved down
your soft underbelly
like a moth courting
a light bulb
left feeling like
a blind man learning
braille for the first time

I was there the night
you put your fist
through the window
swearing that you saw God
in your own reflection
yelling mantras no one understood
as the people below the window
looked up and wondered
what the screaming was
all about

I was there when you hit the
guy by the jukebox over the
head with a beer bottle
leaving seconds before the
cops came
and though I should have
I didn't give them your name

I was there the night
at the cemetery when
you visited the grave
of the only man
you ever loved and
as always, you left
a bad taste in my mouth
like a blow job artist
bent over in a back alley
spitting out the seed
like an altar boy hiding
a wafer under his tongue
hoping the priest won't
be able to read his thoughts

I was there the night
you sat alone
at the airport
with only twenty-five cents
in your pocket
watching people greet
their loved ones
at the arrival gate

I was there the night
they took you away
to the Langley Porter
Psychiatric Clinic
where you soared like a bird
in flight
never to return
to earth as we know it

I was there the day the
crucifix carrying priest
said the black magic mumbo
jumbo words over your grave
looking like a caterer serving
food at an unattended banquet

I was there the day they buried
you in a shawl of unwritten words
Drinking a toast to you
long after the others left
Remembering that white bra
and red lace panties
The night we lifted boulders
from the chest of Jesus
and hurled them into the
face of God.


A. D. Winans is a San Francisco born poet and writer whose work has appeared internationally, and translated into eight languages. He is the author of The Holy Grail: Charles Bukowski And The Second Coming Revolution and forty other chapbooks and books of poetry and prose. A book of his selected poems will soon be released by Feel Free Press.

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