By Rob Bass
Hey, was just brushing my teeth and thinking, well more like it just popped into my head, what if Heaven was a bar called Texas? Or, of course you know, TX. Well right away my mind latched onto that, nice image there. Didn’t take but a second for me to hit on–it would look like the Spoon. Only bigger. But I mean, that’s the prototype. The Fuckin’ Texas Cafe. After all, that’s its real name, we just call it the Spoon, a dark bar on 50th illuminated by neon beer logos and too many different sports on ESPN, peanut shells on the floor, five-dollar pitchers of Bud until eleven, and a killer blues jam every Sunday. Like I said, the prototype. A real good time kind of a place. Think ultimateroadhousebar. But then I got to pondering, of course we’d all be real glad to get there, just happy as hell, order another round, hoohah and all right and all night, but then certainly, inevitably, in our own time each one of us would come to realize or wonder or certainly for God’s sake question (and where IS God if this is actually, but wait I’m coming to it) whether or not this is you know the other place and if He really IS such a fair and generous loving GOD, now I’ll give him the caps, because THIS guy is the sort of reconciliation between how such an almighty all-forgiving Being can send a non-Christian such as yourself to hell like some good old fire n brimstone hardline radicals would have it. He dresses it up, you see, doesn’t hit you with Sisyphus right off the bat or even ever, what’s the point, no need to put Dante’s big sign on the gate, we’re in Hell. And then I decided if we were all there and it really was the Spoon only bigger, how bad could it really be? I mean, technically and it goes without saying ecumenically speaking, with those givens what would be the difference?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Rob Bass is a writer/musician living in Austin with his wife.
“This piece is dedicated to Krier and Espino, and anyone else who has
ever looked up in a stunned haze, shocked to discover that a few
drinks at Friday Happy Hour have somehow shot them right on through
until closing time.”
