By C S Mee.
sunday 23th Juligh
my name is Charlie but my real name is Charlotte Lewis. I am 6. today is the Holleedays. I have a dad but he is at work and a mam but She is sick and a litel brother called Oscar but he is a pain in the nek. in the holleedays my nana is staying at are house cos Mam is in hostipal and dad is at work. today my nana gived me a noat book cos she said I do good riting and I can rite abowt the holleedays or rite a story or what ever. I said I want to rite non Ficshun cos we lurned abowt non ficshun in year 1. Nana said what is non ficshun and I said didunt you lurn abowt non ficshun at school and nana said I didunt lurn nothing at School. then I telled nana abowt ficshun and non ficshun cos Nana is not very clever. Non ficshun is a real story abowt real Stuff that really hapuns and ficshun is maid up with Monsters and prinsessis and advenchurs and stuff that is not real. Like a funkshuning helth servis said dad. nana said may be if you rite a ficshun story you can bring my Nee operayshun forwud so it doant hurt no more. I said no I am going to rite a non ficshun story abowt my holleedays.
Wensday 26th juligh
Today in the holleedays it is hot but we doant have no Swiming pool like next door cos we doant have no monee. next door was splashing in there swiming pool all day like they was fish or some thing. next door didunt let us go in their swiming pool so we watched over the fens. Oscar throad gras in the pool and next door got cros and told are dad wen he comed back from visiting Mam in hostipal. Are dad said might as well use all that worter for something better than getting drunck in. Next door showted at are dad that they Never got drunk in the pool and are dad showted that what was they making all that rackit for last night and there was empty botuls all over the gardun. next door shut the door in his fais.
Thursday 3th orgust
it is boring in the holleedays cos we cant go nowhere. Mam is in hostipal and Dad said going on holleeday in the holleedays costs a arm and a leg so only rich kids like carly Williams can go on holleeday. Dad maxed owt his credit card so he doant have no monee for bying stupid playn tickits like carlys dad and go and taik them to yourodisnee and why not floridar. So I said what shall I do this holleedays with carly bonking mickee mouse or what ever. and Dad said why doant you maik up your own Holleedays so you can go away in your head. and I said what? I doant have a playn in my Head. and dad said yes you do its a super duper Jumbo Jet with a swiming pool and tennis cort in. and I said whats a tennis cort. and dad said you maik it up Prinsess. Nana said I can rite a ficshun holleeday in my Book what she gived me.
saturday 5th Orgust
Today I went to the zoo in my ficshun holleeday cos we cant go to the real zoo cos it costs a arm and a leg. Im not paying even a finger to go to a real zoo. in my zoo there is mostlee Dragons and younicorns. in my zoo you can feed all the animals sweets and ride on the younicorns. also the animals are torking animals so I had a nighs chat with a gorilur and it told me all abowt being a gorilur and how it liked living in the zoo cos it doant have to fight lions or nothing like it does in real life but it missis its Mam.
frighday 11th orgust
today I said can I have a Hamster. dad said what? I said sins we cant go on holleeday cos dad maxed owt his credit card and mam is in Hostipal can I have a hamster. and I said Please. Dad said how much is a Hamster and then I have to by a bludee caij and what do they eat and probably hidun costs. and nana said I think its a good idea becos now she says Hamster and just wait until next week its rabits and dogs and hoarsis. and dad said bludee hell I am going to work. And nana took me and Oscar to the pet shop and it smelled funny. There was a mam hamster with litel tynee babys all pink and funny looking but they was too litel to by cos they have to stay with there mam til they is growed up. and there was one litel sad Hamster on its own and I said it is crighing cos its got no mam and nana said oakay oakay lets get that one but thats it just this litel Hamster and a caij and beding and a worter botl and food and a weel and bludee hell all redee. I am so happy with my Hamster. it is brown and wite with black ighs and litel pink feet and wiskers. it dont have no tail cos may be it got choped of. like the three blind mais. so may be its a norty Hamster so I will keep an igh on it. nana said what is your hamster called and I said I doant no. Oscar said lets call it sniffee cos it sniffs a lot. I said thats a stupid name. Oscar said lets call it smellee cos it stinks. I hit Oscar. Oscar crighd. Oscar hit me. I crighd. nana said stoppit you to or I will taik the Hamster back to the shop. I said no doant. I said lets call it Baby cos it is my baby and I am its mam. nana said oakay its your choys.
monday 14th orgust
Today we visited Mam in hostipal but wen we got there they said we cudunt see Mam cos it was bad for her. Mam is very sick. I said I will be very cwighert like a Hamster wen it is sleeping. I said I will not do any norty stuff but the doctor still said no. I was sad cos I wanted to tell Mam abowt my new Hamster Baby.
Tyousday 15th orgust
Today I got on a rockit and went to the moon cos if you cant go on a real holleeday to a real plais you may as well go to the moon or another maid up plais. The moon is non ficshun cos you can see it in the skigh. but going to the moon is ficshun. but Astroanorts go there. nana said I can be an astroanort if I want to and go to the moon for real but I said I doant want to go to the moon for real cos its not really maid of chees just lots of rocks. the moon in my head can be maid of red lester or cheder or even that stinkee french chees that mam liked befor she went to hostipal. also I took my new Hamster Baby to the moon and he had a mini hamster Astroanort costewm so he cud breeth on the moon. But he ate to much stinkee chees and was sick and we had to taik him to hostipal wen we got back from the moon. Whats rong said the doctor. He ate to much Stinkee moon chees I said. Oa dear said the doctor. that is a comun problum with hamsters. We will fix him up rite away. But he will have to go to hostipal to get better. Then Baby went to the same hostipal as mam and he had a bed next to her bed and I visited him every day and Mam said what a nighs Hamster.
Monday 21th Orgust
Today I went to the taj mahal cos I lurned abowt it in year 1. The taj mahal is a bilding in india. It is very far away. The taj mahal was bilt by a king called shar jahan and it is maid of marbuls. And cos this is a ficshun story I was a prinsess living in the taj mahal and shar jahan was my dad and mumtaz mahal was my mam. but then I membered that mumtaz mahal is ded and I crighd and Nana said why is you crighing and I said cos my mam mumtaz mahal is ded and Nana said what? and she said Mam is not ded. So then I went back to the taj mahal and I changed that bit. And me and mam visited all the taj mahal and we had a swim in the swiming pool with the fowntins. after a bit we was hungree but I didunt no what food they eat in the taj mahal cos we didunt do that bit in school so I said to nana what food do they eat in India and she said Curree. I hate Curree. It is to spighsee. so I came home urly from the taj mahal so I cud have beans and chips. nana said she will maik curree and I said no way. And Dad said yes lets get curree and I said no its oakay cause Im not at the taj mahal anymore and dad said what are you torking abowt the taj mahal for that one cloased down and its a chinees taik away now and its not even good that one. I said its not in chinees its in india. Dad said what do they teech them in these schools and why am I paying taxis so they can maik my childrun stupid and kil my wife.
Thursday 24th Orgust
today it is still the holleedays and Mam is still sick in Hostipal. I aksed dad wen will mam come home and dad said never cos the govunment broak the N H S. I crighd. oscar crighd to. nana said doant crigh its not troo mam will come home. And I said why is the govunment so mean and Dad said cos the govunment hates poor peeple. And I said they are meenees. and I said why does the govunment hate childrun. nana said they like there own childrun but mostly they hate other peeples childrun. Dad said everyone hates other peeples childrun. I said wen I am Growed up I will love childrun. dad said wen you are growed up you will forget you said that.
Frighday 25th Orgust
Today nana red my noat book and she said I did good riting. Nana said there is some speling mistaiks but that is oakay. and Nana said I am good at full stops but there is not enuff capitul leters. I said Soree I forgeted that bit. And Nana said I shudunt rite the swair wurds that dad says. I said that is a non ficshun bit cos Dad really said them swair wurds in real life. And I aksed nana why Dad says so many swair wurds. Nana said its cos dad is strest. And I said is Dad strest like Mam befor she went to hostipal. And nana said no dont worry abowt that darling. and I said oa oakay then.
Monday 28th Orgust
today we went to the Beech. we went to a non ficshun beech not a beech in my head. Nana took me and Oscar on the bus. the bus took a milion minits and I said are we going to the other sighd of the wurld and Nana said no just sea ham. I said is the beech in sea ham like the beech in the holleeday Magazeens at the hostipal. The beechs in the magazeens at the hostipal have blue sea and blue skigh and wite sand and coconut trees. and nana said no. you have to go to that beech in your head darling. the beech in sea ham has grai skigh and greenish grai sea and orangee sand with brown and black bits in. Nanas nee hurted so we sitted down on the beech. And we looked for sea glass cos mam likes sea glass and may be if I taik some sea glass to hostipal the doctor will let me see mam. nana said the beechs in the magazeen dont have no sea glass on. and I said why? and she said cos they don’t have as much indust real waist in the malldeevs as in north eest england. I said its nighs that we have indust real waist not like in the malldeevs where they doant have none. nana said its good to be grait full for what you have.
wensday 30th Orgust
Today my Hamster called baby eksaped cos baby is a norty Hamster after all. wen I waked up I looked at Babys caij and the door was oapun. And I said Oa why is the caij door oapun. and I looked in babys bed and baby was not in its bed. I said baby where are you. oscar said baby where are you. But Baby didunt say nothing. nana looked under the bed and downsters and we looked every where. Baby is gon and I am so sad. I crighd. oscar crighd. nana said well thats that then.
saturday 2th September
today mam is still in the Hostipal and it is still the holleedays but it is nearlee school. Baby is still gon. I am sad. nana is gon to cos she had to go home to see if her house is still there. I crighd. Oscar crighd. nana said doant worry I will come back soon. dad gived us biskits for tee cos he forgeted to go to the shops. Oscar said he didunt like the biskits cos they had Raizins in. Oscar said he wanted mam. I said I wanted mam to and why is she not better yet. Dad said I doant bludee no. dad brushed my teeth and he hurted me cos he didunt do it rite. I hitted Dad. dad said soree and I said soree and then we had a biskit even thoa I brushed my teeth all redee. dad said I didunt have to brush my teeth agen. oscar said the dentist wood be cros and my teeth wood all fall owt. Dad said it is oakay to not brush teeth all ways every day. Oscar throad his tooth brush owt of the bath room windoa into next doors gardun. dad crighd. I said to Oscar that it was all his folt. Oscar crighd. I didunt crigh.
sunday 3th september
Today is the last day of the holleedays. today my Hamster Baby comed back. I said I thinked you was ded. Baby said I am not ded. This is a ficshun bit of my holleeday cos non ficshun hamsters cant tork. Also non ficshun Baby is still gon and is may be ded. So ficshun Baby said I missed you so much Charlie. I love you. And I said I love you to. Lets go to the Hostipal said Baby and visit mam. so we got in the car and Baby drighved me and him and Oscar to the hostipal. Baby drighvd super fast. Wen we got to the Hostipal I said can I see mam and the doctor said yes she is much better now. mam said I love your Hamster baby. Baby said I love you to Mam. then Baby said now you are better why doant you come home with us and I will drighv and I am a ficshun Hamster so I can drighv super fast. so Baby drighved us home and we had fish and chips for tee but Baby didunt. He just had seeds cos thats what hamsters eat even ficshun Hamsters. and this is the last paij of my noat book. I rited 21 paijs. the end.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
C S Mee grew up in Birkenhead and now lives in Durham. Her short stories have won prizes from Galley Beggar Press, the Northern Writers’ Awards, and Wasafiri, and have been published in anthologies, journals and online. She is working on a collection exploring the perspectives of babies and children. She can be found at www.csmeewriter.com.
