In the luxuriant crypt of Sidney Scroter’s snooker emporium, the fledgling girly-haired children’s T.V presenter, Peter Perves, had temporarily mislaid his cock and balls. They had been going at it some in Luscious Linda’s vagina and so Peter Perves had slipped them off to cool on top of her mattress.
When he remembered where he’d placed them, Peter Purves knocked politely on Luscious Linda’s basement door.
Luscious Linda inquired what it was he wanted.
‘I think I’ve left my cock and balls on your mattress,’ he pronounced.
‘No, you haven’t,’ she lied.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked.
‘I’m sure,’ she replied.
‘Well, if you’re certain I suppose I’ll have to go,’ he said.
‘I am certain so I suppose you will have to go,’ she replied.
‘I’ll be off then.’
Too busy parting her legs to answer, Luscious Linda reached over to grab Peter Purves’s cock and balls.
Peter Purves climbed the stairs to the exit, with an absent feeling in his centre, a ghostly draught passing between his legs. He felt unbalanced, and very faint.
Nine months later Peter Purves’s secret son and unexpected heir climbed out between Luscious Linda’s legs. He looked to his left and then to his right, and then he cried.
At the same time, in another part of the world, Peter Purves rode on top of an elephant. Though it offered no real compensation for his cock and ball loss, he told the viewers back home in a strange girly voice that it felt very nice.
ABOUT THE ARTISTS
Jonny Voss creates the pictures and Alan McCormick writes the words. Further McCormick & Voss collaborations can be found in Volume Magazine and on Dead Drunk Dublin, as well as on their website Scumsters.
