An Exercise
1. Imagine you are interviewing a whale.
(Think of three questions you would like to ask a whale.)
Quotation
“London is like New York City without tears.”
– John Ashbery
Quotation
“It’s crazy how clean Scandinavia is. You can lean anywhere.”
– Josephine Baker
Free Advice
Here’s some free advice
for new fathers:
Never eat a diaper,
even if you’re starving.
Universal Truth
We are all
pornographers.
Waffle House
My friend from Waffle House says if you stacked all of the sausage patties they serve in one day, it would reach the top of the Empire State Building. I say, why bother?
Seattle
Hey, look! It’s raining!
Equestrian Poem
As I lean back in the saddle,
the horse farts like a hurricane.
Quotation
“Although our information is incorrect, we do not guarantee it.”
– Erik Satie
Quotation
“In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.”
– Andy Warhol
Quotation
“As Andy Warhol said: In the future everyone will be famous for ten minutes.”
– Geraldo Rivera
Fax
She
faxed me
one dollar.
Theory
Theoretically if you take all the blood vessels out of your body and laid them end to end you would die.
Pleasurable
How pleasurable
it is to
have two moustaches.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Mike Topp‘s work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Exquisite Corpse, and elsewhere. He is the author of Happy Ending, Where We Found You, I Used To Be Ashamed of My Striped Face and other books.
